LEARN
by SuddenlySandi
Summary: The sequel to FEEL. Bella and Edward must learn to forgive and fight for their love when life turns against them. AH story by SDFreeze
1. Chapter 1

Name: LEARN

Author: Sdfreeze

Chapter 1

**Stephenie Meyer owns the characters.**

* * *

Chapter: 1

**Learn to Breathe**

There are many things about pregnancy nobody tells you. I was expecting to be glowing and pampered by strangers allowing me to go first in line, or at least not glare at me when I had eleven items instead of ten, but that is all fantasy.

The glow is sweat, from carrying a bowling ball in front of you all day, and men in three piece suits push me out of the way to purchase their bottled water and organic fruit. Come on, the water comes from city pipes in Cleveland, and organic means bug turds instead of pesticides. I'll take the pesticides.

Poor Edward had to deal with my mood swings which turned on a dime. The pitiable man was afraid to come home most evenings.

"Edward," I screamed one morning.

He came running with a look fear on his face. "Yes, love?"

"I can't tie my shoes," I cried.

"I'll gladly tie your shoes, love." He got on his knees and froze when he saw my face.

"I'm not asking you to tie my shoes, I'm saying I am such a fat lard I can't tie my shoes. Why would you make fun of me, and try to tie my shoes? Do you hate me that much? You want a divorce, don't you?"

"Bella," he said with frustration, "do you want them tied or not."

"I can't go to work without my shoes tied; of course I want you to tie them." And then I completely fell apart, and began blaming Eddie for everything from climate change to my constipation.

I noticed Edward started wearing pajamas to bed, to protect his beloved Eddie from a possible revenge killing while he slept. He was actually using my Lamaze breathing exercises to keep himself from strangling me.

Everyday seemed to drag by at an unbelievably slow pace. I grew larger, Edward grew terrified, and the babies slept totally content, with no desire to leave their warm, snug, environment.

I saw myself in the reflection on the glass doors as I walked toward the school, and began to cry. I waddled, actually waddled, with the huge bulge in front of me. Why did I have to have twins? It didn't run in either of our families, but I got cursed.

I woke up the morning after my due date, and was so deep in despair Edward decided to stay home with me. He was going to help me into the shower when I peed myself. I began to cry, thinking I was so huge I couldn't even control my bladder, when I realized my water had broken.

"Oh thank god," Edward mumbled, sending me crashing into full blown hysterics.

Another thing nobody tells you, and Google lies about, is the beauty of childbirth. There is no beauty. It is bloody awful, and Edward never looked at me with adoration and respect. His face clearly said, "Glad it's you and not me!"

And then to top it all off, the crowning moment in all my preparation, the hours spent in practice, the togetherness we were supposed to feel as Edward coached me, was a bunch of shit. How in the hell are you supposed to breathe, and remain relaxed, when something as large as a baby fights its way out of your vagina. Never going to happen!

I screamed for drugs like a stripper screams for a pole. I didn't care if it gave my baby three heads and a toe for a nose. I would still love it all the same, and I would name it Eddie, to remind me why Edward and I will never have sex again.

When I finally had both babies out another type of fear set in; I could only hear one cry and Edward was white as a ghost. I sat up to see nurses frantically working on one of the babies. I reached out for Edward and held onto his arm as my lifeline. My poor, overtaxed heart, couldn't take it anymore if something happened to one of my babies.

When the second wail could be heard I collapsed onto the bed and began to cry, but they were tears of joy. Edward brought our son, and daughter, over to see me, and I couldn't believe how beautiful they were. Jonathon Edward looked just like me and Elizabeth Joy looked just like Edward.

I watched Edward in fascination and knew I would remember these moments forever. He was mesmerized by his two children, and I had never seen him looking so proud, and so touched. Tears poured down his face as his traced their little bodies with his fingers.

"Thank you, Bella," he cried. "Thank you for everything you have given me."

I actually wanted to try and push out a third baby. I loved him so much, and he put up with all of my complaining, and whining, giving him two children was the least I could do.

The next year was a total blur. It was a whirlwind of diapers, bottles, teething, laundry and sleepless nights. Jonathon was a quiet baby, but very stubborn. Elizabeth was very demanding, but easily appeased. I missed Edward, I missed Eddie, and I missed adult conversation.

Elizabeth began to walk first, which really bothered me, since she was so tiny and easy to carry. Jonathon was a Mack truck, and still demanded to be carried everywhere. I couldn't complain since he was so good natured most of the time. Elizabeth and I began the mother daughter tug- of-war for power at the age of two.

"Do you want milk or juice?" I asked her at lunchtime.

"I do it," she replied.

"No, mommy will pour it. Which one do you want?"

"I do it," she said, more forceful this time.

"It is too heavy, mommy has to do it."

Waaa!

"Well, if you're going to cry that loud at least produce a tear or two," I said shaking my head.

"I….sniff, sniff…do….it…sniff, sniff."

You have constant learning moments as a mother. Is it worth spending half an hour cleaning the floor to let her see she can't do it, or let her cry it out and get over it? I stood there thinking about it when Elizabeth suddenly screamed with joy and yelled, "Cookie, Daddy."

I looked up to see Edward, standing in the doorway, holding up two cookies. I wanted to throw the entire gallon of milk on him.

"They haven't eaten lunch yet," I complained.

"A cookie won't hurt them," he smiled, as he kissed both of their heads and handed them the cookie.

Then he came to me and pulled me into his arms. "How about a little sugar for momma."

It would have worked; I was truly up for a little seduction, until he began pulling bits of oatmeal out of my hair from my morning battle with Elizabeth over a spoon. I sighed and pulled away to finish making lunch.

"Let's get away, Bella, just you and me."

"And go where?"

"To Brazil, to the island. We'll take a late honeymoon."

"Aren't you forgetting about two very important obstacles?"

"We can have Renee stay with them. She would love it, and you can relax a little, take a breather."

"I don't know." I had to admit my childhood memories left me with a lot of doubt in Renee's skills as a caregiver.

Edward snuck up behind me and pulled me against him. "I need you Bella, let's go take some time for us."

I turned to face him and marveled at his beautiful face. I put my P,B,& J fingers on his face and kissed him hard, as he pushed me back against the counter. It was heaven and familiar and oh so wonderful, until Jonathon cried out because Elizabeth threw her cup at him.

"Yes, we'll go," I said quickly, before one of them did something adorable and made me change my mind.

I was so excited for our little get-a-way, but my heart was breaking, as I said good bye to our two babies. I told Elizabeth to be good over and over again, as she sat on Grandma's lap looking smug. I looked over at Jonathon, sitting like a content blob, listening to his sister babble on and on.

"Be a good boy, snuggle bug," I said as I leaned in to kiss him. He smiled from ear to ear and I put my purse down. "I can't go," I declared.

"You are going," Edward said, as he led me away, "before you turn my son into a momma's boy."

"Bye, bye," giggled Elizabeth, and I began to turn, but Edward kept marching me forward.

I was distraught on the way to the airport and I was sure Edward was regretting the whole decision to take me away, heck, he was probably regretting marrying me in the first place. By the time we reached the plane I was in a much better frame of mind.

I slept on the flight and didn't have to listen closely for a baby crying. I felt wide awake when we reached the island, and ready to play. Edward carried in the bags and asked me which room I wanted them put into. I walked over to my gorgeous husband, and began unbuttoning his shirt, as he stood there holding two bags.

"Bella," he warned. "Don't start something you can't finish."

"Oh, I'm going to finish all right. You're going to be begging me to finish by the time I get done with you."

He dropped the bags and began removing my clothing as well. We never made it to the bed, and took up on the couch, just like we had the last time we were here. I had to admit Edward just got better with age. He was still the professor, and I purposely failed his course in order to take it over, and over again.

We were lying on the couch wrapped up in each other, talking about silly stuff, when I asked him if he had any regrets. His pause terrified me and I began imagining all sorts of things.

"Edward?"

"Sometimes I wonder if leaving Cullen Enterprises was a wise thing to do for Jonathon's sake. I wonder if I robbed him of something because of my pride."

"What the Fork? Leaving was the best decision you could have made for Jonathon's sake. Do you really want him influenced by your father?"

"Maybe he will be stronger than me?"

"Edward, we are doing pretty well with what you have done on your own. Jonathon will be proud to learn from you, and work with you. I couldn't stand it if he became anything like Carlisle. I want my son to be just like you," I said as the tears began to fall.

He smiled and pulled me closer. "Want to make another baby?" he whispered.

"We can always try," I smiled, as I started something again.

When Edward fell asleep I got up and wandered around the house. I looked at the windows and remembered how we worked that entire day to cover them. I looked at the room where I found out about Victoria, and then stared at the pier, where I had cried my eyes out.

I began making my way back to Edward, when I suddenly couldn't breathe. I grabbed my chest and gasped as I fell onto my knees. I tried to scream for Edward, but I couldn't get enough air. I pounded on the wall hoping desperately he would wake up and hear me.

My last thoughts were of my babies. My headstrong daughter, who wouldn't get the chance to tell her mother about her dreams and fears, about the boys she crushed on, or the man she hoped to marry. And my tender son, my little man, who would always have a hole in his heart, like Edward did. I felt my hand fall from the wall, as I gave up the struggle to breathe.

* * *

This is the link for the TWILIGHTED forum for the Cube story. All Sdfreeze story discussions should take place in **THE CUBE** discussion forum, to keep them together.

http:/www(dot)twilighted(dot)net/forum/viewtopic(dot)php?f=44&t=11931&p=1178902


	2. Chapter 2

Name: LEARN

Author: Sdfreeze

Chapter 2

**Stephenie Meyer owns the characters.**

* * *

Chapter: 2

**Learn to Cry**

I could hear a faint beeping noise far away. It was easy to ignore, but when I concentrated it bothered me. I wanted to tell Edward to go investigate and see what it was. I reached out for him but I hit a metal bar. My hand was stuck in a drawn, cramped, half fist. I opened my eyes and didn't recognize the room I was in.

I sat up and became so dizzy I had to lie back down. I opened my mouth to yell for Edward, and became aware of a tube going through my nose, and taped to my face. Panic set in, and was only amplified when a young girl walked into the room, looked up at me, and then ran screaming back into the hallway.

I managed to pull myself back into a sitting position by the time nurses came pouring into the room. Everyone was talking at once and I couldn't concentrate on what they were saying. My mind just wanted Edward.

Finally, a doctor came running in, and asked me to lie down so he could examine me. He listened to my heart and checked the circulation on my legs.

"Can you feel my hands on your legs?" he asked.

I nodded, afraid to talk with the tube running down the back of my throat. I didn't recognize the frail, thin body he was examining. It looked too old, and feeble, to be mine.

"Can you speak?" he asked moving closer to my head.

"What happened?" I croaked, and then gagged at the sensation of the feeding tube.

"Should I call Mr. Cullen?" a nurse asked, looking worriedly at the doctor.

The doctor didn't answer so I did. "Hell yes, call him."

Was she crazy? I wanted Edward here, to explain, and take away the fear that was hiding in my soul.

I suddenly cried out as muscles spasms pulled my legs up into a fetal position. Nurses worked to massage out the horrible knots as I screamed from the pain. My legs looked deformed and shriveled, like I belonged in a wheelchair.

I finally felt a stick in my hip and the pain began to slowly fade. Just that small bit of exertion made me exhausted and I couldn't keep my eyes open.

I woke up later to hear talking right outside my door and called out for Edward. The door opened and Carlisle walked in. Something was terribly wrong and I couldn't figure it out. I felt an awful sense of déjà vu and yelled for Edward.

"Calm down, Bella," Carlisle said forcefully, obviously not wanting to be embarrassed by my outbursts.

"Where's Edward, where are my babies?" I said in panic.

"Edward is out of town on business, he is rushing back as soon as possible. Your children are away at school."

"School? They're babies," I reiterated.

He walked closer and I could see the grey in his hair and the deeper lines on his forehead. My brain tried desperately to ignore what my eyes were telling me. Time had passed, a lot of time, and Carlisle had gotten back into our lives and had taken my children.

"I want my children Carlisle, I want them right now," I cried.

He sighed loudly and turned to leave.

"I won't let you do this, Carlisle." I screamed as he opened the door.

He turned back to glance at me and smiled arrogantly, "It's already done, dear."

I used my deformed hands to grab the phone next to my bed and dialed Edward's number. The phone number was not valid. I called his office, and somebody else answered, saying Edward no longer owned the company.

I began screaming and pounding on the mattress with my fists.

"No," I cried in horror, "No, no, no, no."

Finally a nurse came in with another shot and I was back to sleep. The next time I awoke I was too upset to cry out, or react to anything. I laid there staring at the wall, wondering what happened to make me lose everything wonderful in my life.

A nurse came in and offered me some soup. I just waved her off. A doctor came in to listen to my heart, but I didn't respond to any of his questions. He asked me if I was depressed and I wanted to flip him off. What kind of stupid ass question was that? My world collapsed and I didn't even know why. Depressed would be easy compared to how I felt.

It was another full day before Edward walked through the door. My heart sank when I saw him, he had been broken, and Carlisle won after all. He was too thin, and his shoulders slumped in defeat. He looked worn, and haggard, and I could only imagine what I must look like. He walked to the bed and collapsed into my neck as he began to cry.

His sobs were too wrenching to just be a recent emotion. Something dire had to have happened. I wrapped my arms around him and into his hair causing him to cry harder. I held him, and rocked him, and ached for my babies.

"Edward," I whispered. "What happened to us?"

"I lost you," he cried into my neck, and his grip on me tightened exponentially.

"I'm right here. Oh sweetheart, I'm right here."

"You left me, Bella. You were gone for so long."

"How long?" I asked, afraid to hear the news.

He finally lifted his head and kissed my lips gently. I could visually see his entire body shaking.

"What do you remember?" he asked.

"We were at the island."

He closed his eyes in distress and took a shaky breath. "Your heart failed Bella. It took so long for help to come, but I kept your heart beating and I breathed for you."

I lifted my bent hand to touch his cheek, and he laid his head against my palm, and took another shaky breath. "You had a transplant, but faded into a coma. I wouldn't give up on you, I couldn't do it."

The fear deep in my soul rose up like an ink stain covering my brain. "No, oh god, Edward," I said, finally understanding what he had done. He turned to Carlisle for help; he traded our life together for mine and it cost him everything he had.

"My babies, you gave him my babies," I cried.

His chin fell onto his chest and he bawled, "I couldn't let you die; I can't live without you, Bella."

I took his hand and kissed his fingers one at a time as I cried with him. I began forming a plan in my head, a timetable of when I could walk out of here and go rescue my children. When I got to his ring finger I gasped. It wasn't the ring I had given him. I held up his hand to stare at the foreign piece of metal on his finger.

"I can explain," he whispered.

I began to hyperventilate as he begged me to calm down.

"I want my babies, Edward. I want my children."

He tired to hug me, but I pushed him away. "You can't do this to me. You can't take everything from me," I sobbed.

"I did it for you," he yelled at me. "Everything I did was for you."

"What would make you think I wanted this? I would rather be dead than lose you and my children. You should have let me die, Edward," I screamed at him.

"I'm yours, Bella, I have always been yours. Nothing can change that, this was a marriage of convenience and that was all."

I screamed out in pain and rolled to my side. It wasn't physical pain, it was heartache of the worst kind and I couldn't contain the weight of it. I couldn't look at his injured face and know he belonged to someone else. The only thing that kept me from willing myself dead was my children. I wasn't about to let them go, no matter what deal Edward had made with Carlisle.

He walked over to a chair and collapsed into it. He sat there, while I cried, and screamed, and begged for my children. He sat there, while I cussed him for letting this happen, and while I cursed him for coming into my life. He sat there, and listened, until I couldn't hate him any longer. I reached my arms out and he dove into them. Then we cried together until all the tears were gone.

I finally pulled his face up to look at mine and said with determination, "I want it all back. Do you understand me, Edward? I want what's mine back and I don't care who we have to fight to get it."

He nodded and a small trace of a smile formed on his lips. I pulled his mouth to mine and kissed him. I could physically feel the strength returning to his mind and body. Apart we were nothing, but together, we couldn't be stopped.

I had a lot of physical therapy to do. My legs were so atrophied it took over a month just to get my ankles to bend enough so I could stand. I worked so hard every day that I fell into bed each night in tears. But, I arose the next morning to do it all over again, because that was what it was going to take to beat Carlisle.

The day my mother walked in I was shocked to see how much she had aged in the thirteen years I had been shuffled from clinic to clinic. Her eyes were so sad and she looked terrified to see me. I knew that vile man would have something to do with this.

"I'm sorry, Bella, I tried to fight him, but he was too powerful. I almost lost Charlie over his attempts to make me appear like a drunk again."

"No mom, don't blame yourself. I don't blame you, I blame the person responsible and that is Carlisle. Have you seen Elizabeth or Jonathon?"

She shook her head and tears fell.

"No more tears, mom," I said adamantly. "He doesn't get those anymore either. I'm taking him down. I don't care how I do it, but I won't cry anymore because of Carlisle Cullen."

"Have you seen, Edward?" she asked hesitantly.

I bit my lip, because I didn't know if I could trust her and let her know Edward and I were working together on a plan.

"Um….yeah, for a second or two," I finally answered.

"Did he tell you…um…well he's…"

"Yeah, I know. Do you know who she is?"

"All I know is she is the daughter of some business partner of Carlisle's."

"It's not a real marriage, mom," I had to tell her to stop her pitiful looks at me. "It is a business contract."

"Edward would do that?" she asked surprised.

"Seems like Edward will do pretty much anything to keep me on this earth," I tried to tease, but it wasn't funny. "Carlisle didn't count on me waking up and he is going to wish I hadn't."

"Don't go up against him honey. Nothing good can come from that." She warned me, probably more worried about him coming after her, than me.

"Mom, he waited until Edward was financially desperate to have quality care for me, and then stepped in to offer help, making conditions along the way. He destroyed his son to get the upper hand and I won't allow that. I can't even see my children; he won't allow them to come here. So I'm going to work like hell to walk out that door and go get them myself."

And that was exactly what I did. I ate like crazy to put on weight, I worked out constantly to put on muscle, and I felt like Sarah Conner from the Terminator movies when I walked out that door. I would fight Carlisle in hand to hand combat if I had to, and I was ready to win.

I only had one thing I had to do first. I had to go kick some skank out of my husband's bed. And I really, really, hope she tries to stop me.


	3. Chapter 3

Name: LEARN

Author: Sdfreeze

Chapter 3

**Stephenie Meyer owns the characters.**

* * *

Chapter: 3

**Learn to Stand**

I looked at the beautiful city pass by, as I headed to meet my first challenge. I used to love to look at the gorgeous skyline of Chicago, now it haunted me, looming over me as if to threaten my very existence. But I wasn't the girl hunched in a wheelchair any more, I was strengthen by rage to the point of being dangerous.

I don't care that Carlisle prostituted out his son to merge with a competitor, he offered up my husband, and I wasn't going to let that deal stand.

What woman would want a man that had been bought and paid for? I expected someone beautiful, but wondered if something was wrong with her to agree to the arranged marriage, naw, Carlisle wouldn't stand for anyone less than perfect to join his family.

I was shocked when the cab stopped at the same high rise where Carlisle lived. I entered the building and was stopped by a door man. These damn rich people and their privacy!

"I'm here to see Edward Cullen," I said with a smile.

"And you are?" he asked.

I wanted to say I was his real wife, and I was there to pull off a coup on his good for nothing ass of a father, but I doubted that would get me in the door.

"I'm a family member, Bella Cullen." I tried to smile wider and not show my rage just under the surface.

He wrote my name down and nodded to the elevators. "Sixth floor," he said as I walked off.

I was instantly relieved it was not the same floor as Carlisle. I hit the small button lit up with the number six, and envisioned myself pulling num chucks and an assortment of weapons from every pocket. I was ready to walk in with guns blazing.

I rang the doorbell, straightened my shoulders, and stuck out my jaw. I felt a jolt of disappointment run through my body when Rosalie opened the door. If this chic had made friends with She-Ra I was really in for a fight.

Rosalie crossed her arms and stared at me.

"I'm not here for you, Bitch, where's the lady of the house." My speech even surprised me. Man, a coma really brings out the inner princess warrior.

"Well, look who finally joined the living," she sneered at me.

"Yeah, try it sometime. Where is she?" I asked.

"Edward will not be happy you're here."

I had to mentally remind myself Edward was in on the plan, and not fall apart at her attempt to make me aware Edward was no longer mine.

"I'm not here to see Edward, so step aside and shut your big mouth."

Go Bella, Go Bella, rang in my subconscious.

She moved to let me in and I felt so sorry for Edward. It was not the home he had dreamed of. It was sterile, and cold, and had nothing personal to show he even existed. I walked through the different rooms and found the place empty. I returned to Rosalie and sat on the couch to wait.

"I don't know when she'll be back," she said to me rudely.

"I'll wait," I said, and turned away from her.

She walked over to sit across from me, crossing her long legs, and stared, so I turned to meet her gaze with my own hate filled stare.

"I won't let you upset her," she said to me.

"Upset her? You think I want to upset her? I just want to have a face to face chat," I smiled disingenuously.

"Just go home, Bella," she said in frustration. "Go back to Dogpatch where you came from and leave us alone."

"If I recall Rosalie, your pedigree was less then blue blood."

She uncrossed her legs and huffed, but my attention was on the door that had suddenly opened. Esme walked through looking exactly like she always did, not even a hint of a wrinkle. Her eyes caught mine and she gasped and put her hand over her mouth.

I wasn't falling for her proper façade any longer. I was stunned she didn't take a personal interest in my kids or keep Carlisle from destroying Edward, but I now understood Esme was shallow and selfish. The only thing important to her was Esme.

"Esme," I said coldly.

"Bella, um..what are you doing here?" Her voice giving away her shock. "It's wonderful to see you," she covered.

"Yeah, just peachy, I'm obviously interrupting some family event, right?"

I noticed how Rosalie and Esme stole a glance at each other and it gave me pleasure to know I was causing them to be uncomfortable.

"Have you spoken with Edward, dear?"

I knew none of them knew where Edward was. It had been over a week since he left on business, and I'm sure Carlisle was fit to be tied. I only shook my head, instead of trusting my voice to answer the question.

"I'm not here to speak to any of you, only her," I said coldly.

"I really think you should wait for Edward; I'm sure he would want to be here," Esme offered.

"Hum….nobody waited for me, so, I guess that's a no!"

Rosalie snickered, then stood and opened her big mouth one time too often. "What did you expect him to do, wait by your bedside and hope you eventually stopped drooling?"

I stood and walked calmly to stand in front of her. She was a good three inches taller than me, and with her heels, it made the difference even greater. She formed her mouth into a mocking grin and I decided to wipe it off her face. The theme to Rocky began playing in my head as I coiled my fist, and hit her right in the jaw, as hard as I possibly could.

It was true, the bigger they are, the harder they do fall. Rosalie tumbled backwards right onto her ass and ran her head into the end table, knocking over one of Esme's hideous vases, smashing it onto the ground.

I walked over to where she lay stunned and put my fist up again. "Say it again, Rosalie," I dared her.

"You're barbaric," she screamed, as she wiped blood from her mouth.

"Oh, it's different if I have on leather, sorry I forgot."

Esme rushed to Rosalie's side and helped her up. "Please, let's all calm down and act like adults."

I didn't have time for her plan. I needed to get everyone riled up and after me. I needed them to totally forget about Edward and focus all their attention on me. So I pushed the envelope again.

"When have you ever acted like an adult Esme? You let Carlisle treat you like one of the statues and stand stoically by his side as he screws over the world. You don't care what he does as long as you can get your Botox and French labels. You're just a puppet to Carlisle's ventriloquist act."

"Call the police," Rosalie demanded.

"Go ahead and call, I have a lot to say about this family that the authorities would love to hear. Charlie was very concerned about what kind of family I was joining and you know how cops stick together."

I actually had nothing, but just the hint of something that would get Emmett and Carlisle in trouble was enough to make them both back off. They headed out the door, and I'm sure straight to Cullen Enterprises. I hoped I had enough time to chat with Mrs. Edward Cullen before Carlisle showed up. He was the only one who could intimidate me, but after decking She-Ra I felt invincible.

I wandered around the house and looked for any photographs of my kids or the new wife. I checked drawers and found inside the bed table a photograph of me and Edward with our very first Christmas tree. I felt my throat tighten at the sight of our young hopeful faces. I had missed so much and I wasn't going to miss another moment.

I rummaged through the drawer looking for pictures of Elizabeth or Jonathon, I was certain they would be there somewhere. I began throwing things on the floor, and shaking books and magazines, hoping for any stray pictures. I moved to the dresser and began throwing all the clothes onto the floor desperate for anything to fill me in over the years.

I ended up tearing the room apart and moved to the office area. I found a pile of bills, huge bills, for my care. I was stunned to see everything Edward had done to help me. I was even taken to China to have embryonic stem cells injected into my spinal column. I took the bills and threw them angrily across the room. It was money, stupid money, which had taken my kids from me.

Money kept me in a wheelchair for all those years, money made the Cullens look down on me, and money was the reason another woman had my husband. I couldn't stand the thought of all the money wasted over the years.

I moved into the closet and looked through the boxes neatly stacked on the shelves. I finally found a picture of Edward with the other wife. I didn't look at her right away, I looked at Edward. He was only a shell; there was no life in his face at all. I wanted to shake him and scream for him to wake up; as I'm sure he did with me many times over the years.

I finally looked at the woman. She was young, much younger than Edward, and her attitude reminded me of Rosalie. She looked arrogant, and oblivious to how miserable Edward was, and it fueled my anger even more.

I made my way back to the living area and pulled a chair around to face the door. I sat there, with my newly ripped arms draped across the sides of the chair, and waited for her to walk through the door.

The phone rang and I ignored it. The message kicked on and just hearing Edward's dull voice asking the caller to leave a message hurt my heart.

"Bella, pick up the phone."

I heard Jasper's southern drawl. I picked it up, but didn't speak.

"Bella?" he asked.

"Yeah," I replied quickly.

"What are you trying to do? You need to talk to Edward before you barge in over there."

"You were his best friend Jasper, how much did Carlisle pay you to betray him?"

"I was looking out for your children, Bella. I know that is hard to believe, but it's the truth."

I clenched my fists when he brought up my kids. I couldn't fathom how he could possibly think this was good for them, but I didn't want to hear his explanations. I didn't trust him anymore than the rest of them.

"Where is she, Jasper?"

"Her phone is off; nobody can get hold of her. Bella, don't do anything rash and make the situation worse, promise me darlin."

"Jasper, you insult me. Of course I would have something planned and never rely on anything rash. You better assume the position and bend over, I'm sure Carlisle will be there soon."

I hung up and took the phone off the hook. I smiled to myself, proud they were in a tizzy concentrating on where I was and what I was doing. I made my way back to the chair and waited.

I heard someone wrestling with the door. The keys were clanging against the wood announcing the arrival, and my heart began to beat wildly. The door flew open and a woman with shopping bags stepped inside without glancing towards me.

"Rosalie, I got the sonogram pictures, do you want to see them?" She yelled out.

I noticed her bags were from a maternity shop and my heart skipped a beat. Surely Edward would have told me, I couldn't doubt him now, everything depended on us trusting each other. I swallowed down my shock and reset my jaw.

She finally saw me and froze. Slowly, I rose from the chair ready to take a stand.


	4. Chapter 4

Name: LEARN

Author: Sdfreeze

Chapter 4

**Stephenie Meyer owns the characters.**

* * *

Chapter: 4

**Learn to Take**

"Hello, Lauren, I'm sure you know who I am." I didn't smile and I didn't try to sound polite, I simply stated a fact, and watched her face turn pale white. She was cute in a 'daddy gets me whatever I want' kind of way. She wouldn't last a month in the real world.

"Where's Rosalie?" She asked, wanting the Nordic giant to come to her rescue. Her eyes were wide and it made her appear so much younger. I couldn't remember being that age; those memories were buried in the sheets of a hospital bed.

"She had to go get a tooth replaced, sorry if we got blood on the floor." I stared directly into her eyes without blinking.

It was quiet for several moments, and she finally asked the question that was swirling around in her head. "What are you doing here?"

"Is that really the question you want to ask, I mean come on, you're in my husband's home, shouldn't I be asking you that question?"

I noticed her lip begin to quiver and it made me smile. I knew somewhere deep down it was heartless, but since I was toting around someone else's heart, I really didn't care. She played house with my husband, and turned him into a shadow of his former self just for money. I didn't care if she cried so hard it made her choke.

"What do you want?" she finally asked.

"Much better," I said. "I want several things and the first being _you_ out of _here_. I only care about three things in this entire world and you took one of them…..I want it back."

"We're legally married," she said in a panic, which really pissed me off. Did she really think her daddy would chain Edward to the bed and let her keep him as a pet?

I took a step towards her and she flinched, holding her bags in front of her for protection. When did shopping bags ever save a woman's life? What a stupid girl.

"I don't care if you are super glued to his balls, you're gone, understand?"

"I'll call my father," she threatened.

"I'm counting on it sweetheart, go run to daddy, I don't care as long as you are out of my sight and out of Edward's bed."

Her eyes flashed towards the bedroom. Edward already told me they didn't share a bed, but looking at a pregnant woman made me have my doubts. It also kicked the rage up a notch to think of her touching my man. I had to believe I was still his last, or my nerve would collapse, and I would be eaten alive by Carlisle.

"Where's Edward?" she finally asked, tipping her hand that she was not aware of his movements or schedule.

"You tell me. You're the one (I did the air quotes with my fingers) legally married to him."

"How did you know where we lived?"

"I have connections," I laughed.

I hoped using Charlie's name with Esme would lead them all to believe I had the police involved. I did have the police….well, actually just one policeman, and he was from another state, but she didn't need to know that.

"He doesn't want you back," she said with a shaky voice. I was really hoping she wouldn't go there, since I didn't want to rough up a pregnant woman. I placed my fingers on the bridge of my nose and exhaled loudly, just like Edward did when he was exasperated with me.

"Lauren, daddy bought Edward for you, he didn't choose you, he didn't chase you or beg you to give him a chance, hell, he didn't even want you unless it saved me. The only thing you mean to Edward is guarantee of payment to my care facility. He used you, and you were so stupid you didn't even realize it."

I watched as her eyes narrowed and her neck began to turn red, so I just chuckled.

"But as you can see, I'm good now, so you can run along."

My phone beeped at that moment, I looked at the text I received and it took everything I had not to jump up and down in joy.

It simply said, 'clear.'

"Oh, and Lauren, give Carlisle a message from me….tell him he lost. No wait, tell him I said he's a loser, and if he wants back what I took from him, he can just give me a call."

She picked up her bags and stomped out the door. I felt my legs begin to shake and I had to sit to remain calm. Edward told me there was no physical relationship between them, and Lauren agreed to the marriage to be in with the right crowd. It would double her inheritance if the two companies merged and Edward told her it was a contract only.

Edward had a presentable mate for Carlisle to show off, and it guaranteed continued medical care for me. That was the only reason he agreed with Carlisle's devious plan. Surely Carlisle figured a beautiful young woman would eventually sway Edward into her arms, and maybe it did.

I didn't know if I could forgive him for that. I realized I wasn't a wife to him for a long time, and he lost everything he had paying for experimental treatments for me. Could I really begrudge him a little affection?

I wrapped my arms around my chest and leaned over to take a deep breath in order to stop the pain and doubt from growing. I had to remain strong, it wasn't over yet, and I had another act to pull off.

I went into the bedroom and got the picture of us from the frame and put it in my pocket for strength. I sat back on the chair and waited for the knock I knew was coming. It took exactly thirty eight minutes.

A loud knock sounded right before the door flew open. Carlisle was standing with another older man, who I assumed was Lauren's father. I took a deep breath and forced myself to smile. Here we go; the fight at O K corral, and I was going to be the one walking away.

"Where's Edward?" Carlisle said in a panic looking around the room frantically.

I just shook my head in wonder. "You never got it did you? You never understood the best part of him came from his mother, not you."

"If you ever want to see your children again you better get Edward here, NOW," he screamed in rage.

"Is that a threat, Carlisle?" I said calmly.

Inside I was anything but calm. I was ready to vomit from anger. He actually threatened me with my own children, and I wanted nothing more than for him to lose everything that meant anything to him. That constituted one thing, money.

"It's a promise," he sneered at me.

"You're just striking out all over the place today, grandpa. I already have my kids, and they're somewhere you can't get to them."

He dialed his phone and waited for someone to answer. "I want to speak with Jonathon Cullen," he demanded. Hearing my son's name on his lips sickened me and I had to force myself to remain seated. I looked at the other man and his jaw was so tight I thought it would snap.

Carlisle listened to someone tell him the Cullen children had been picked up by a police escort and enrolled in another school. He shut off the phone and looked at me with wild eyes. "No two bit cop is going to mess with me. I will ruin him."

"You touch my family again…I will have to fire you, Carlisle."

It wasn't the response he was expecting and it flustered him for a moment. He looked at his counterpart, and I could see the puzzle clicking into place, along with his refusal to accept what he was thinking.

"What are you talking about?" His voice was shaking now.

I turned to look at the other man. "The run on your company right before the ending bell left me as the major share holder… seems like you're working for me now. So, coupled with Edward's share of Cullen Enterprises you're my bitch, Carlisle."

"The Masens would never do that to me," Carlisle exclaimed, as Lauren's dad looked confused.

"You sure about that, because I think they kind of did. And they really appreciated the growth you've projected for next quarter. They are going to make a killing when they divide up your company and sell it off. My how Elizabeth must be so proud of you," I added as an extra dig.

"Get out," he said as his face turned purple.

"Oops, sorry again, but this apartment was owned by the shareholders, and now that's me, well, me and Edward."

I could tell his mind was spinning; he was planning and conniving as information sunk in, most likely planning my murder.

"You can have it all back, Carlisle, as soon as I get back everything you took from me. I want my husband back and his marriage annulled. I want my kids back and left alone. When that happens you can have your company back…for a small profit that is."

Carlisle took a step towards me and I stood up to meet him. I was ready for him and really hoped he would take a swing at me. He always accused me of being from the wrong side of the tracks and I was more than willing to show him what would happen if he came to my side.

He stared at me hatefully for several moments, and then spoke barely over a whisper, "You tell Edward to call me."

"Not until that annulment is in my hands," I said back just as softly.

Carlisle stormed out leaving Big daddy standing there like a deer in the headlights. I turned to look at him and he actually stepped back. I am so loving post coma life. He finally left and I grabbed my phone to call Edward.

"We did it, love," he screamed into the phone. "Man, it was a nightmare, so close to the closing bell like that, but we did it."

He sounded so much like his old self, the confident, loving man I remembered, before Carlisle sucked the life out of him.

"Edward," I sighed into the phone.

I wanted to believe nothing had changed, that I could return home to Seattle and my babies would be there waiting for me. But that wasn't real. My babies were gone, and teenagers I didn't even know took their places. I would still love them no matter what, but something more urgent was on my mind. Could I still love Edward?

"I spoke with the kids," he said happily. "I told them to stay calm and I would come explain everything. Can you catch a plane tomorrow?"

I leaned over again, to stop the rip in my heart, and stared at the picture as I tried to imagine the betrayal I was going to feel. I wanted him to be faithful to me, even during a forced marriage. I wanted to believe that as long as I was on earth and breathing, he would be my only, and I would be his last.

"I need you to reassure me. You have to tell me the truth, Edward. I can't promise I will understand, but it will be so much better than lying to me."

"Bella," I could tell he was shaking too. "I would never lie to you, please believe that, I would never try to go forward with our lives, with our children, without your complete faith in me. Ask me whatever you want and I will tell you the truth."

I took a deep breath, and sat back down in a chair, so I wouldn't fall to the ground. My mind was screaming at him, trying desperately to reach him over the miles and coach him on the answer I needed to hear. There was only one way I was going to find out, so I had to suck it up and ask.

"Edward, is it your baby?"


	5. Chapter 5

Name: LEARN

Author: Sdfreeze

Chapter 5

**Stephenie Meyer owns the characters.**

* * *

Chapter: 5

**Learn to See.**

I was holding my breath, waiting for his answer, begging myself to believe him if he said it was Immaculate Conception. Obviously, Lauren wasn't a virgin bride, but who am I to doubt the power of God.

"What baby?" Edward asked softly, too softly, as if he was terrified.

Ew….not a good answer, I wanted NOT MINE screaming from his lips. My heart was pounding loudly and I now realized why I had to have a transplant, I was really, really, hard on hearts.

"She's pregnant," I said in absolute panic. The line was silent and tears formed in my eyes.

"Say something, Edward. Damn you, say something to me."

"Bella it isn't mine, but that won't stop Carlisle from trying to play it off as mine. Jesus, we take drug tests, he has my urine and my blood."

"No, that is not what I want to know. Tell me what I want to know." I was begging, pleading with him to say what I needed him to say.

"I never touched her," he screamed into the phone. "My god Bella, I didn't throw you aside. I did everything I could for you, everything. I agreed to marry her after I filed bankruptcy, so you could have medical care. I never divorced you in my heart. You are still my last."

"I'm still your last?" I cried.

"Yes, come home to us. Bella, we love you. I need you."

I could hear him crying as he pulled the phone from his mouth. As horrible as all this was for me he had to live it. He had to drag my lifeless body around the world trying to get me to wake up. He had to fight Carlisle alone and raise our children alone. Our strength was in each other and I needed my strength right now.

I hung up the phone and headed out the door running right smack into tiny Alice. I almost knocked her down with the force of my movement. I grabbed her arms and held her upright, as I laughed at her pencil thin heels.

"Don't you have regular shoes?" I asked her.

"Easy for you to judge, you're tall," she whined as she straightened her dress.

"Are you the Calvary or the mole?" I said looking at her suspiciously.

"I'm the aunt. Your kids go to school with mine and they are going to be really upset to hear their cousin's are gone."

"Forgive me if I don't give a shit," I said crossing my arms in front of me.

"Can we go have coffee, or something, so we can talk? I'm sure you have tons of questions."

She stared at me for a moment and finally said, "I'm not the enemy, Bella. I love Elizabeth and Jonathon very much."

She had me, any information I could get on my children's lives would be invaluable. I would take her, and her ridiculous shoes, for coffee and see what I could find out. I also wanted to find out more about Edward and Lauren, not that I didn't believe him, but just thinking she may have had the wedding I never got, was giving me visions of shaving her head and castrating Edward.

We sat in a booth and ordered coffee before Alice spoke again. "You look great, Bella. You have a better body than when ….." She wisely stopped and covered her mouth.

"Tell me about my kids," I said, ignoring her whole Sports Illustrated body analysis.

"Okay, Jonathon is very mature, very driven, you know?"

"Like Carlisle?" I asked in fear.

"Um….more so than Elizabeth, but he's a good kid," she added to keep my head from exploding. "Lizzy is so stubborn, and nobody tells her what to do."

I smiled and the memories I had of two year old Elizabeth flooded my mind. I can only imagine the power struggles we were going to have now. "What do they look like? Do you have any pictures?"

I saw the hesitation and the way her eyes darted to her purse and back to me. "No, I don't have any with me. Lizzy looks a lot like Edward, though her hair is more golden than copper, but they have the same eyes. Jonathon looks exactly like your Uncle Charlie; I mean they could be father and son they look so much alike."

I couldn't wait to see them. I could picture them so vividly, and wanted to hold them in my arms, and tell them how much I missed them, and how they would never be sent away to school again. We were a family and we would be together now. I wiped the tears from my face and smiled at Alice. "Tell me more."

"Jonathon plays the piano, and he is very good at it. He is also on the track team, and the math team. Lizzy plays the guitar; she is self taught and leans more towards unconventional music."

I had no idea what she meant, but was anxious for my daughter to share her talents and let me see for myself.

"They are quite popular and they really love their school, Bella."

I lifted my hand to stop her right there. "Over my dead body," I said.

Well, actually it happened over my comatose body, but it would take more this time for them to return to boarding school.

She looked so disappointed and I turned the subject to her kids. "You have kids now?"

She smiled and began bouncing on her seat. "Yes, two girls. They are one and two years younger than yours. Emily, the oldest, is very close to Jonathon, sometimes I think they are the twins instead….."

She wisely shut her mouth again.

"Anna is practically glued to Elizabeth," she laughed and shook her head.

"I'm glad they have cousins. I'm glad they weren't alone when they were away. But I want to know my children, Alice. I want them home, with me, where they belong. Can you understand that?"

She nodded and bit on her lip to keep from saying what she wanted to say.

I took a deep breath and looked at her with pain filled eyes. "The baby?" I asked quietly.

She sat for a moment deep in thought and I watched the indecision on her face change to resolution. "She's a surrogate for Rosalie and Emmett. It's not Edward's."

I let out the air I had been holding and felt like a ton of bricks were lifted from my shoulders. That was why Rosalie was waiting in the apartment, and Lauren mentioned the sonogram. I knew it all along, okay I suspected it all along, oh fork, thank god it isn't his!

"Did they have a wedding?"

My anger over trivial things grew when I got the big issue out of the way. I didn't want to have to look at pictures of the blushing bride sharing cake with my husband. Unless he was shoving the cake up her…no that would mean he saw her ….I just wanted no pictures.

"Kind of, you will love this, Bella. They got married at Cullen Enterprises and as soon as they were pronounced man and wife, Edward turned and walked out."

I did love it. Aside from the whole thing never taking place it was the best I could hope for. I was truly that petty, and it meant a lot to me that my 'coke stained hoodie' wedding was better than the 'see ya later skank' wedding, she got. I could face Edward now.

"He never gave up hope, Bella. He tried everything he could think of and waiting for a donor almost killed him. He wouldn't leave your side. He didn't eat or sleep. He loves you very much and even marrying Lauren was for you. When Carlisle sent the kids away to school Jasper and I sent ours. We wanted them to be together. Please don't hurt my children by keeping yours away."

"I won't keep them away from your kids, but I will keep them away from Carlisle. What would make him so willing to destroy his own son?"

"He doesn't see it that way. He didn't think there was any hope and he wanted to force Edward to move on. He thought he was helping him."

"Well, looks like I proved him wrong."

She giggled. "It will only piss him off, you know."

"Yeah, how dare I wake up and want my family back."

Alice's phone rang and she looked terrified when she saw it was Carlisle. I was grateful for the information she gave me, so I stood and dropped a couple of dollars on the table and said, "I'm out of here. You don't have to lie."

I headed to the airport and bought a ticket to Florida to meet up with my family. I worried about being followed, but I held all the cards, and Carlisle was going to have to deal with me. I sat down and watched the clock tick by as I dreamed of my children. Once I boarded the plane I was out. Overturning a dictator was exhausting and the flight felt like it was only minutes long.

The sun was just beginning to rise as I made my way down the airport walkway. I saw Edward's head, sticking out above all the others, and ran for him. He caught me in a tight hug and we both held on for dear life. He looked so much better than when I last saw him, when he had to leave to put our plan into action, and we had to pretend it was over.

I kissed him as he tried to talk and only heard a few words, love, healthy, tomorrow. I finally pulled back and asked for my children. I was a little hurt they weren't standing right there with him. He took my hand and pulled me to a more private area to talk, and I began to stress out my new heart again.

"Bella, just remember they are teenagers. Don't expect too much."

"What does that mean? Don't love them because it isn't cool?" I said angrily to him.

"No, I don't want you expecting Disney or something. They didn't have you around to teach them things."

"They had you, Edward," I reminded him

"No they didn't. I was a wreck. I felt like I took their mother away from them, I lost the company taking away their futures; I wasn't there for them at all. I failed them."

"I just want my children, Edward. That is all that matters," I tried to sound confident.

He turned me around and pointed down towards the sidewalk where a group of people were standing. Off to the side were my kids, I could tell by how much they resembled me and Edward. I stared in stunned silence and turned back to look at Edward.

"Is this a joke?" I said in shock.

"Bella, calm down."

I pushed past him and headed down the stairs toward the sidewalk. Edward rushed after me, begging me to calm down, as I walked toward the two kids staring wide eyed at me.

Elizabeth had on dark black eyeliner circling her eyes and black lipstick. Her golden hair was streaked with purple and blue, and she had a chain running from the piercing in her eyebrow, to the piercing in her nose. Her short skirt was just barely longer than her underwear, if she was actually even wearing any, and her boots were thick black army style, covered with holes.

Jonathon was in an Armani suit, tailored to perfection, just like Carlisle liked it. He was wearing Italian shoes and had his hair perfectly styled and jelled. The most horrifying thing was what was around his neck. He was wearing a tie, tied into a perfect Windsor knot.

I turned to look at Edward, as I waved my hand up and down my children.

"Oh hell no, this is **Not** going to happen."

I walked over to the car and opened the back door, "Get in…now!"

They looked at each other in fear and quickly climbed into the car. I glared at Edward and he hastily climbed into the driver's side.

I sat in the car and turned to speak to the horrified faces of my two babies. "Mother's home and this nonsense is going to end!"


	6. Chapter 6

Name: LEARN

Author: Sdfreeze

Chapter 6

**Stephenie Meyer owns the characters.**

* * *

Chapter: 6

**Learn to Talk**

We drove the entire way to Victoria's house in silence, my leg was bouncing like a bobble head I was so angry. I wanted to calm down before I talked with my children and I didn't want them around when I talked to Edward. My babies, my precious babies, were dressed for Halloween and saw nothing wrong with it. Edward is so going to get it!

We pulled into the entrance of the large pink stucco home. It was massive and had huge security gates surrounding the yard. I felt secure in knowing nobody could sneak in, and my possibly delinquent daughter couldn't sneak out.

Each of us exited out our own doors all slamming them shut. We walked towards the house and were greeted by Renee and Charlie, their smiles quickly faded when they saw our faces and backed out of our way.

"Hi Bel….." Victoria started, but quickly closed her mouth when she saw the mood I was in. She looked exactly the same as the day I thought she was Edward's girlfriend. I imagine it is what my daughter looks like, without the gruesome makeup on her face.

"Where are their rooms?" I asked her, and she nodded toward the stairs.

I turned to look at Elizabeth first and could see her chin beginning to set. I remembered that look when she was two. I pointed up the stairs.

"You get upstairs and change into anything that doesn't scream Hells Angels ho, wash that raccoon crap off your face, and remove that metal contraption from your skin."

She opened her mouth to argue, but I took a step towards her and yelled, "Right now, young lady."

She turned and stomped her way up the staircase, proving to me she did indeed have on underwear, they were covered in the Playboy bunny insignia, but at least she had some on.

I turned to Jonathon who seemed confident that I wouldn't find anything wrong with his attire… oh the ignorance of youth.

"You get up there and change into anything that doesn't scream Cullen. Shut up Edward," I said without missing a beat. "You better look like a teenage boy the next time I see you, and not a corporate shark, or Mafia lawyer. Go!"

He walked at a slow stunned pace up the stairs.

As soon as he was out of my sight I turned to Edward. "If I ever die again, you walk away, you understand? You leave my dead body lying there and take your ass home to take care of these kids."

I looked at Charlie. "If he doesn't, you shoot him."

And then I marched up the stairs. I heard Edward rush to catch up with me half way up, so I stepped aside and let him lead the way to the room we would be staying in.

I was too worked up to sit still. I paced back and forth ranting at poor Edward. When I caught him smiling at one point I almost killed Eddie. Luckily, Edward was faster and turned to avoid my knee.

"Are you going to stand there and tell me you see nothing wrong with how they looked?"

"Lizzy is creative, she likes to be unique," he defended.

"That is not unique, Edward," I screamed. "That is rebellion. That is crying loudly for attention. That is thumbing her nose at the world, so she can't be hurt any further."

He let his forehead furrow as the realization set in.

"What's wrong with Jonathon? He has always been a serious kid," he asked hesitantly.

"He's a kid, that is what's wrong. He needs you to help him lighten up, and not worry about carrying the world on his shoulders just yet. There is plenty of time to be the executive; he needs to be a teenager."

I took a few calming breaths and put my arms around my husband, who at the moment was regretting I ever woke up. "Edward, let's take them home. Let's take them to Forks, where they can learn decent values, before it is too late."

He tightened his hold on me and said, "Anything, love."

I finally melted in his arms. His kiss still had the same effect on me and I felt more alive than I had ever felt before. Right as our breathing was getting loud and labored there was a soft knock on the door. Edward opened it and stepped aside for Jonathon to enter. He had on shorts and a polo shirt, but his hair was still too perfect.

I walked over and hugged him, his hands coming awkwardly around me. "My sweet, sweet, baby boy," I cried, causing his arms to tighten slightly.

I pulled back to really look at him. I ran my fingers through his hair to mess it up a bit and saw the same ear to ear smile I remembered. I kissed his cheek and saw his eyes tear up. He was still in there, Carlisle hadn't ruined him completely, and I would do everything I could to draw him back out.

Jonathon sat on the bed, as I went to get Elizabeth for a family talk. I knocked on her door and got no response. I knocked harder, nothing. I opened the door and walked in to find her lying on the bed, still in the same clothes listening to an ipod.

I marched up to the bed, and pulled the ipod off her stomach, disconnecting it from the ear buds; I picked up her phone lying on the bedside table and walked over to get her guitar.

"Hey," she finally yelled. "Those are mine."

"You will get them back when you are in respectable clothing and I can actually see your face."

I waited anxiously in my room planning my next move when I heard the shower start. She eventually walked into my room wearing tiny shorts that said 'spoiled' across the butt and a pretty decent t-shirt. I would pick my battles, and since her face was clean and clear of hardware, I let the shorts slide.

When she sat next to her brother I handed her the phone and ipod bringing a slight smile to her face. She looked so much like Edward, and I ran my fingers down her beautiful cheeks to see her blush. I looked at Edward and laughed, finally thrilled to see something of me in my daughter.

"I am so sorry," I began. "You didn't deserve what happened to you. But, your father had faith we could be together again as a family and he was right. I want my children, and not the versions Carlisle produced. I want the heart and soul inside you. You don't remember me, but I remember every single thing about you. Elizabeth do you prefer Lizzy?"

She nodded.

"Okay, Lizzy, I understand your desire to be an individual and have your own style. If you want to design your own clothes I will support you in every way I can, but they will not be obscene or suggestive. I'm going to go through your wardrobe and throw out anything I find inappropriate. I need to shop for clothes, and I would love for you to come with me to purchase anything you need."

At that point she got a text and looked at her phone.

"Who is that?" I asked her.

"Bryan, he's a friend," she said softly.

"From school?" I asked.

"From the city," she said, purposely trying to be vague.

"Where does he go to school?" I pushed.

"Um… I think he's a student and the University of Chicago."

I held out my hand for the phone and she hesitantly put it in my palm. I looked at the text and it read.

_Hey gorgeous when are you coming back to the city?_

I hit the call button and had to control my anger when he answered saying, "Hey gorgeous, what's up?"

"I'm sorry, but this is the mother of gorgeous. She is fifteen and if you call her again I will have you arrested and expelled from U of C. Are we clear?"

"I...I didn't know," he stammered.

"Well, now you do." I hung up and handed the phone back to her mortified face.

"Are you going to do that to Jonathon, too?" she demanded.

"Do I need to?" I asked looking at my son.

"No," he declared glaring at his sister.

"What about your piano teacher?" she glared right back at him.

I raised my eyebrows and stared at him. I watched his calm demeanor Carlisle had worked so hard to produce melt away under my gaze. He licked his lips and his eyes darted back and forth between me and Edward.

Edward stood firm and waited for Jonathon to finally crack.

"She only flirts with me, that's all," he finally admitted.

"How old is she?" I asked.

Lizzy laughed and covered her mouth smugly, making my blood pressure rise. Man, I hope Edward can find me another heart!

He mumbled something, but I was positive I heard the word thirty in there somewhere. I saw red; the momma bear in me wanted the head of this woman on a platter. I could imagine one of the desperate housewives dressed in a corset and fishnet stockings sitting on top of the piano teaching my son.

"That's not flirting son, that's child molestation," I explained.

Lizzy roared with laughter until her brother punched her in the arm.

"Jonathon, if you want a real man to emulate look at your father. He is loyal to a fault, kind, generous, honest, and scrupulous. Looking down on people doesn't make you successful; it makes you scared and paranoid. Clothes don't make a man; it is your heart and your goodness that defines you."

He nodded, as if he was taking notes for a board meeting.

"I know you both love your Grandfather and I know you will miss your family. They are welcome to come visit you, but only in our home, under our supervision." I said the words but I knew deep down it would take an awful lot for me to let that awful family anywhere near my children again.

"Are we staying here?" Lizzy asked.

Edward cleared his throat to finally speak. "We're taking you home where you belong, to Washington."

They both looked at each other with wide eyes and Lizzy finally turned to protest. "I'm not going."

"I'm your father and you will go where I take this family. We are moving to Forks and if you don't like it I suggest you study hard for a college scholarship in three years."

I had to fold my arms around my body to stop myself from launching onto Edward in passion. He did it. He finally took on the mantle of fatherhood, and he was wearing the crap out of it. I wanted to scream, "You go Edward, and you cut that smart mouth teen right down to size."

But then I remembered that smart mouth teen was my baby girl, and my heart ached for her. She was scared, and angry, and that was a very dangerous combination for a girl her age. There were too many men willing to help her get back at her mean parents, and I couldn't risk her finding love in the wrong place.

"You will grow to love Forks I promise, but the most important thing is we will be together. I love you," The water faucet kicked on; actually an entire waterfall sprang loose in my eyes. "I almost lost my babies, I can't do that again. You are my world and I need you."

Jonathon stood and came to hug me. It was still awkward, but he was making an effort. I grabbed Lizzy's arm, and pulled her into the hug, as Edward wrapped his arms around us all. For the first time I had faith we could pull this off. It was going to be hard, but we had a chance.

After I kissed them both I turned to Edward. "We all need to hit the mall."


	7. Chapter 7

Name: LEARN

Author: Sdfreeze

Chapter 7

**Stephenie Meyer owns the characters.**

* * *

Chapter: 7

**Learn to Shop**

We piled back into our car as Victoria, Renee, and Charlie stared in silence and we headed out to spend some of Cullen Enterprises money. I sent Edward with Jonathon, and threatened his life if he came back with any Brooks Brother bags. I headed in the opposite direction with Lizzy.

She walked straight to that weird store that mothers walk by and thank the stars their kids don't shop there. When I saw a mannequin with a tattoo on the small of her back I gasped. Oh please no, I prayed, as I walked up to my daughter and lifted her shirt. A very colorful tiger jumping from a sea of flowers greeted me.

"It's not real mom, it comes off with fingernail polish remover," she assured me with panic in her voice.

I looked at her and smiled. "Remind me to pick up a gallon," I said, and she laughed.

My daughter spoke to me and laughed. Only mothers of teenage girls know what a miracle that is. I wanted to run out to those women looking pitifully at me, because of the shop I was in and scream, "Ha! My daughter just spoke to me, so you can bite me!"

But in the very next moment my high was ruined. Lizzy picked up a shirt, with a picture of a couple doing what I hope my daughter never does until she is fifty eight years old. I grabbed the hanger from her hand and told her to move on.

"It's not obscene mom, it's natural and beautiful."

"It is, but not on a t-shirt. Childbirth is natural and beautiful (okay, I'm a hypocrite and perpetuating the lie, but I really need to make a point here) but you don't see pictures of that on shirts."

She moved on to a cute shirt with slashes all over the front. "I love it mom," she squealed.

"Show me the shirt you will wear under it and it's yours."

Her smile faded and when she went to put it back I took it from her hand. "Look Lizzy," I put a white tank top under the shirt. "You would look so hot in this."

She laughed loudly. "Mom, did you just say hot? That's gross coming from someone your age."

Gross? When did my age become gross? I could say hot, heck I was hoping to look hot, for my hot husband tonight, and what we were going to do would be very hot.

"Don't make me put you into a coma, sweetheart," I teased her.

Lizzy and I left with only a few selections I deemed acceptable. As we walked through the mall she asked cautiously. "Did you mean it when you said I could design my own clothes?"

I took her hand in mine and smiled at her. "I think it would be a great idea. You are very creative and unique, but sweetie, they have to be age appropriate." She nodded and let me continue to hold her hand as we walked.

Shopping for me was somehow hysterical for her. She laughed at everything I tried on and called me PTA worthy. I finally allowed her to pick out a few things and I had to admit she had style. And I did look hot, damn it!

Underwear became an issue. I thought for a moment she actually went into shock when I told her I only had white ones when I met Edward. I ruled out thongs, I ruled out suggestive saying, like a pair that actually said, 'X marks the spot' and had an X over the crotch. I really, really, wanted to buy those for myself. And I ruled out anything that looked like leather, they just made me want to punch Rosalie again.

Lizzy fell in love with some boy short panties and I could not have been happier. Thank you to whoever came up with the idea to cover more of our daughters while making them feel sexy!

I asked her to help me come up with a nightgown and told her I wanted to feel beautiful in it.

"Oh my god, you and dad haven't done it yet, have you?" She screamed.

"Elizabeth Joy," I yelled.

I am such a mom. I actually used both of her names.

She giggled and began hunting for the best seduction piece she could find. When I kept vetoing all her choices I finally pulled her to the back of the racks to tell her something.

"Honey, look," I pulled my shirt down to reveal my scarred chest. "I can't wear those revealing things."

"Mom, that is so cool. Scars are in. I wish I had one."

What happened to the world while I slept? Beautiful girls wished for scars. I was so ahead of my time.

"Does your Dad still love the color blue?" I asked her, as my voice cracked.

She looked at me and I could feel the concern coming from her eyes. She walked over and took hold of the hair on each side of my face. "Yeah, he does. But mom, he'll love you in anything."

I smiled. "I need to update my look, too."

"Hell yeah, you do," she laughed and I swatted her 'spoiled' butt for her language.

We stopped by a walk-in salon and I listed both of our names for an appointment. Lizzy looked at me and narrowed her eyes and set her chin.

"Pick a color, dear, and it can't be one used for Easter."

"Mom, I like having different colors."

"Fine, we will buy you some clip-on color strands and you can have a ball."

She threw herself into a chair and crossed her arms to pout. We left with a whole new look for me and my fifteen year old was back to one color with beautiful highlights.

When we finally ran into the guys they had one bag and all it contained was a package of white undershirts. Edward kept staring at me and I felt hot, don't ever tell my daughter that, but it seems like old mom still had it.

"I'll take dad and you take Jonathon," Lizzy suggested just a little too enthusiastically.

"Not falling for that one, sweetie, we're all going together," I insisted.

"You don't trust me to buy clothing?" Edward asked.

"I don't trust you not to fall for a pair of sad green eyes and we don't have time to return things."

"You are so anal," Lizzy huffed.

"It comes from childbirth," I said, as I took Jonathon's hand and walked off.

We had to beg him to purchase some simple colored t-shirts, everything he wanted had a collar, and jeans with any evidence of wear were quickly scratched off his list. I now understood why Edward came back empty handed. Jonathon's stubborn streak was still intact. When he refused any type of sandal or sports shoe, aside from running gear, I had to grab some Birkenstocks and Sketchers and purchase them against his will.

Edward wandered off for a few moments and came back with one small brown bag. "What did you buy?" I whispered to him. He opened the bag to reveal a party pack of condoms. I laughed loudly causing the kids to look over at us and sneer.

"I don't want any more babies. They just learn to walk and talk," he said in frustration.

"We just can't seem to get past the whole condom usage can we?" I laughed.

He pulled me to him and kissed me a little too long for our children's comfort. "

You're in public," Jonathon reminded us.

"And it's just gross," Lizzy added.

"From the girl wanting to purchase a copulation t-shirt," I reminded her.

"What?" Edward asked, suddenly interested in Lizzy's shopping habits.

"Not of old people," she said, as she shuddered.

"We're old people, Edward," I teased.

"We're hot old people," he smiled back, still holding me in his arms.

"Oh, we're not allowed to use that word," I clued him in.

"I can't call you hot mamma?" He frowned.

"We're leaving if you two don't stop," Jonathon informed us both.

"Come on daddy, we're scaring the children." I took his hand and led him into yet another store for Jonathon. Edward and I sat in a chair…because we're old people… and I watched my twins interact with each other.

Lizzy seemed to be the leader until Jonathon disagreed and suddenly he was the one in charge. I watched as they whispered, and laughed, and fought, and my heart ached for all the years I missed. All the costumes, and school plays, and recitals, all the scary dreams, and skinned knees, I wasn't there for. I felt Edward take my hand and saw his own tears.

"It will get better, Bella."

"I want to go home," I whispered, and he knew I didn't mean from the mall.

"Are you ready for the fight?" he asked.

"With the kids or Carlisle?"

"Both."

"Yeah, I'm ready."

By the time we left the mall it was dark. We spent an entire day trying to transform our children into something far from what Carlisle allowed. I knew changing their clothing was the easy part and we had much bigger problems coming our way, but we would face them together.

We called ahead and had Charlie and Renee meet us for dinner. The kids warmed up to them so quickly when they picked them up at the school. Charlie was a big hit; his sense of humor took the edge off all of us. And what grandma doesn't love her grandkids no matter what?

I learned Lizzy hates Ketchup and Jonathon won't eat pickles. When Charlie asked Lizzy if she wanted more water and she reached for the pitcher saying, "I'll do it," I burst into tears.

"It's been a really long day," Edward said as he stood. "I think I need to get Bella home."

When we got back to the house I spent a moment alone with each kid as we looked at their new clothes and packed them away. When I told Lizzy goodnight she hugged me tightly, but immediately let go when I told her to make good decisions. Jonathon was still awkward when he hugged me, but when I told him to try and loosen up he smiled and agreed to try, just like an intern would.

I got to my room and heard Edward in the shower. I didn't want to wait for the whole nightgown, blushing wife routine, so I stripped down and walked into the shower to join him. He froze with the soap still in his hand when he saw me.

"My body is all cut to pieces, but you still make me feel beautiful," I said to him.

"You are beautiful," he said, "look at how amazing you are." He looked up and down my body at the new muscles my hatred for Carlisle had produced.

I threw my arms around him and gasped at the feeling of his body against mine. It all felt new and I wanted to know him again. I wanted to feel his body respond to mine and know he was my Edward. He backed me against the tiled wall and began kissing his way around my form as only Edward could. He was the only man to know my body and it would remain that way.

I soaped him thoroughly and remapped my way to the spots he loved to be touched the most. As he moaned and sighed I fell in love all over again. I knew we needed to talk about Lauren but not now; right now I needed him to love me.

He carried me to the bed and tried to slow things down, but I was having none of that. My thirteen year absence from his body was at a frantic level. I pulled him to me and locked him securely with my new legs muscles.

We took a chance, something I would never allow my daughter to do, but unprotected sex with Edward was a risk I would take. I was not about to let him pull out of my arms for one of those damn awful condoms, and I didn't care what color it was, or how ribbed it was for my pleasure, I needed to feel Eddie.

Edward pushed up onto his locked arms and stared down at me. We looked at each other in amazement as we moved as one. He was still beautiful to me and as the feeling built inside us both, ready to explode, I ran my fingers over the tight muscles in his neck and brought him to my mouth. We screamed out together, muffled by our kiss, and I was finally home. No nightgown from any shop could produce this feeling, only Edward; he was still all my firsts.

"I love you," he was saying over, and over again, as he kissed my face and my neck. His declarations slowly became agonizing sobs and began to switch to, "I'm sorry."

I lifted his face to mine. His eyes were wet, and guilt was written all over his face.

"No, Edward, stop. We're moving forward not backward. It's done and past; unless there is something you need to tell me?" I swallowed hard; my heart and other places which belonged to him were telling me to stop bringing things up.

"I never cheated on you," he announced, and I could feel a huge 'but' coming.

"If you divorced me it wouldn't be cheating, would it?" I said with a bone dry mouth.

"I felt so useless. I couldn't find the right treatment for you. I let Carlisle make decisions for my children; deluding myself into thinking it was what was best for them…."

He shook his head back and forth and tears began falling from his eyes. Again, I pushed my wildly beating heart and ignored my mind telling me to kiss him and make him stop talking.

"Edward, what did you do?" I whispered.

"I didn't do anything, but I almost did," he admitted.

"You fell in love with someone," I stated, because that was exactly what his face was telling me.

"I have never loved anyone like I love you, Bella, nobody holds my heart like you do," he tried to convince me, or maybe he was trying to convince himself.

"Is there something you need to end?" I asked, terrified of the answer I knew was coming.

He nodded and dropped his eyes so he wouldn't have to look at the devastation in mine.

"Lauren?" I tried to say in a strong voice, but only a breathy whisper came from my mouth.

His face pulled into a horrible pained expression and I knew it was killing him to confess this to me. I wanted to be wrong. I wanted him to laugh and swear if he was alone for hundreds of years he would still only love me.

"Britney," he said, as my world shattered around me.


	8. Chapter 8

Name: LEARN

Author: Sdfreeze

Chapter 8

**Stephenie Meyer owns the characters.**

* * *

Chapter: 8

**Learn to Forgive**

All I could hear was blood rushing in my ears. The world stopped spinning and everything came to a slow stop. My heart exploded, not in actuality like it did last time, but a hole ripped from the spot Edward had always resided. I tried to swallow, but I couldn't. I tried to speak, but I couldn't.

"I've never touched her Bella, I swear," he tried to explain, but I only heard the swooshing of the blood pumping from my damaged heart.

I pulled out of his arms and he grabbed my hand pulling it to his lips, "Don't leave me, Bella. I love you."

I stood and looked around the room. I couldn't leave him, where would I go? My entire world was in this room and down the hall. I would have to listen to him explain. I would have to allow him to unburden his conscience and tell me about the woman who took a piece of his heart.

I turned to him and fell onto my knees as I looked into his eyes. "I will try to understand, but…."

"I lived a nightmare, Bella. I lived it for thirteen years. I stood there alone for our children's birthdays, when they started school, and when they lost their first tooth. I took them alone to see Santa and the Easter bunny, to doctor and dentist appointments, and to top it off I had to watch as my father pulled them further, and further away from me, by offering experimental procedures and better care for you."

He stood from the bed and pointed his finger at me in anger. "Don't look at me like that, Bella. I didn't run like you did. I stayed, and stayed, and stayed. I did everything for you."

"For me," I screamed, "how was divorcing me and giving away our children for me? You married another woman, Edward, and then fell in love with someone, too."

"Are you kidding me?" he screamed back. "Look in the mirror; you're standing here because I love you so much I would never give up. It was never a marriage; it was a business deal brokered to save you. And the only person I could talk to about it was Britney."

I jumped up and walked over to pound my fists on his chest. "You wore her ring, you moved her into your home, and you gave her your name, those were all mine. Then you gave the most important thing in my world to another woman, I would rather you slept with Britney than fall in love with her. "

He grabbed my wrists and pulled my hands to the side. "You left me, you said you would never leave me again, and you fucking left me. I didn't fall in love with her. I considered, only considered Bella, letting her help take away some of the pain. I needed somebody to be there for me!"

Realization came barreling into my mind. We were broken, we weren't whole anymore and we needed help. My life stood perfectly still while his had moved painfully forward. We were both bitter and angry at what happened to us. Edward would have to forgive me for my life stopping, and I would have to forgive him for his moving ahead.

I looked at his face, so racked with guilt, and pain in his eyes that was difficult for me to deny. He was here because this was where he was supposed to be, but he wasn't sure anymore if it was where he wanted to be.

I could make him stay, I knew I could. I could put my arms around him and tell him it is okay, and then spend the rest of my life wondering if I was what he wanted.

"You have to go," I said painfully. "You have to go and make sure she isn't what you need. If you come back we'll get some counseling and move forward. If you don't we will work out visitation for the kids."

Edward stared at me in shock. He knew I was right. He was hurt and in pain and that would only grow if he didn't settle things in his own head. Without speaking he grabbed his jeans and dressed quickly.

"Edward," I said softly as he reached for the door. He stopped but didn't turn to look at me. "It's all or nothing. If I'm not your last, don't come back."

"I love you," I whispered as he walked out the door. I dressed and sat on the floor next to the bed when a soft knock brought both Lizzy and Jonathon in to sit next to me.

"Where did dad go?" Jonathon asked.

"He has some business to take care of," I smiled and put my arms around them both.

"Will he be back?" Lizzy asked.

"I sure hope so," I said and the grief overtook me. I held my children and cried as I rocked them back and forth. Lizzy cried with me as Jonathon held onto me with everything he had.

We left with Charlie and Renee the next day for Forks. Lizzy didn't fight me over her clothing and Jonathon wore his Sketchers without complaint. Charlie dropped off Renee and me at their house as he gave the kids the tour of Forks.

"What happened?" Mom finally asked me.

"Edward has to decide if he wants us back or if the new thing he had is worth considering."

She stared at me like I was insane and finally said what was on her mind. "Are you sure it isn't easier for you, if you don't have to look at his face knowing everything he sacrificed?"

"I don't know, mom," I whispered. "I think we are both very damaged."

"Want me to call Joyce?"

I nodded as I wiped my face before the kids got back. I could tell by the way Lizzy walked in the door the tour did not impress. Her jaw was set and her hands were firmly planted on her hips.

"I am not living here. There isn't even a mall," she said aghast.

"Charlie has a lot of contacts and you will be able to find a job," I assured her.

"A job," she screamed. "I'm not working."

"I'm sorry," I began, "I assumed since you will be sixteen on your next birthday you would want a car."

Lizzy looked at me and then at Jonathon. "We don't get a car?" she asked stunned.

"I'll help you find one to buy and you can share it, but you need to pay for it, plus your gas."

"Grandpa is a billionaire; he can buy us a car."

Her voice was getting higher and higher as real life smacked her in the face.

"Grandpa is a billionaire, not you. If you want a car you will earn it," I told her in my 'that is final' voice.

And then she pulled out her trump card, the only thing that would hit me where I lived, the one thing teenagers use to really stick it to us parents. "No wonder dad left you."

Charlie stepped forward to fill the void Edward had left. "Your room is down the hall on the right. I suggest you head to it now, young lady."

I stood there bleeding on the inside as she stomped down the hallway. But that didn't hurt nearly as bad as Jonathon's lack of reaction. He maintained complete control during the entire confrontation. I looked into his eyes to see nothing but a perfect poker face.

I took a deep breath and began fixing dinner. I wasn't sure if the kids would even eat what I made. They were raised with cooks, and maids, and reserved tables at fancy restaurants. I threw together a taco salad and planned on taking the kids to the yogurt shop for dessert.

When I called them to dinner only Jonathon showed up, I opened Lizzy's door to see the window open and nobody in the room. I grabbed my mom's keys and ran to the car. I headed toward town the way Charlie had come from, that would be the only route she would know. When I saw her walking on the side of the road I pulled in front of her to block her path.

I jumped out of the car and marched around to face her. "You will never do this again, you understand?"

"Why, dad did," she yelled at me.

"You don't have a clue what you father did, so don't use him as an excuse. If you are mad at me grow up and tell me."

"I don't want to live with you," she yelled louder.

"Not an option, I love you too much," I said.

"I want to go back to Chicago," she begged.

"Not an option. I love you too much," I repeated.

"You don't love us, you pulled us out of our school to make yourself feel better, and you don't even know us."

"I know you were the best thing that ever happened to my life. I know you were loved, and wanted, and when you were born not breathing there was a moment I wanted to die. I loved you and taught you to walk, and talk, and sing and dance. You were my world and every time you stuck out your chin and said no, I swelled with pride because my daughter was strong. Don't you dare tell me I don't know you. I literally gave my heart to bring you into this world and I love you more than my own life."

I was sobbing as I finished my diatribe and her tears joined mine. "I'm not strong. I'm scared and I want my father."

"What are you afraid of Lizzy, say it, tell me."

She shook her head and bit on her lip, so I grabbed her shoulders and made her look at me. "What are you afraid of, tell me," I screamed in her face.

"That you won't love me," she screamed back, with such force I knew it was something buried so deeply it left a scar on her soul to share it.

I pulled her against my torn chest and held her tightly as she sobbed out her fears. How could she fear such a silly thing? I couldn't breathe without her. There was nothing she could do that I wouldn't forgive and love her through.

"Oh Lizzy, I am so sorry, I never wanted to leave you and I know with all my heart the only thing that kept me alive all these years was the memory of you and Jonathon. I will always, always love you. Never doubt that."

She clung tighter to me and cried, "I want daddy, too."

What could I say? I couldn't promise Edward would be back, and I couldn't admit I was as petrified as she was at the possibility of losing him. So I promised her the only thing I could, that her father loved her just as much as I did.

I led her broken spirit to the car and drove home. When I walked in the door Jonathon looked upset and called me to his room.

"I just got a call from Emily, she said dad is in Chicago and set up a meeting with grandpa."

I had no idea what Edward was up to, but I knew whatever it was it had to be for us. I felt relieved he wasn't in London with Britney, but saving me from Carlisle had nothing to do with his feelings for Britney. At least I hoped he would still protect me and was not coming up with a plan to take my children.

"Does Emily know why they are meeting?" I asked.

"No, but she said Grandpa is very upset. Should we be worried about dad?"

I debated whether or not to tell Jonathon his mentor was evil and vile and he should be terrified for his father, but I couldn't do that to him. I smiled and assured him Edward was fine. Then a tiny rattle of hope that had been my companion all those years ago began to sound. He wasn't in London and that had to mean something.

I headed to the kitchen when Charlie pulled me aside. "Do you want me to nail her window shut?"

"I'm one step ahead of you. I'm putting her in with me," I told him as he walked off nodding approval. Poor Charlie, he didn't ask for any of this either. I was determined to get us our own home as soon as possible.

I hated being an adult; I should have chosen the life with cats. They can't talk and they can't break your heart by loving someone else. I was terrified and couldn't let my children see that. I would remain strong for them and wait for Edward to come back to us.

I took a deep breath and then heard Lizzy yell, "Mom, Jonathon got a text from his piano teacher."

Another great thing about cats, you can have them fixed.


	9. Chapter 9

Name: LEARN

Author: Sdfreeze

Chapter 9

**Stephenie Meyer owns the characters.**

* * *

Chapter: 9

**Learn to Work**

After dinner dishes I called Jonathon's piano teacher, to explain why he missed his lesson, and why he would no longer require her services….and all that entailed. She told me Jonathon was very talented and should continue with an advanced teacher here in Forks. I bit my tongue and tried to believe she was talking about his musical skills only.

We settled in for the night when Lizzy got a call from Edward. "Hi dad, are you coming home?"

I couldn't hear his end of the conversation, but she didn't dissolve into tears or break anything, so I had to hope it was good news.

"Mom said we have to get jobs," she complained. "Dad, stop it, that isn't funny," she giggled. "Yeah, right here." She reached over and handed the phone to me. I stepped outside the door, so she wouldn't hear the fear or panic in my voice.

"Edward," I said, trying not to cry.

"Hi, love."

My heart burned.

"You're in Chicago?" I asked hoping he didn't hear the real question….why aren't you in London?'

"Yes, I have to get things straight here."

"Meaning?" I pushed.

"Um…the annulment and things."

I'm sure it was the 'and things' he knew I was asking about, but he didn't offer anything more.

"How are the kids?" he asked.

"Oh, about what I expected, Lizzy had a melt down and got some things off her chest. Jonathon worries me. He is too controlled with his feelings and I worry when his meltdown comes it is going to be huge."

"We'll handle it." He sounded so sure and I wondered how 'we' will handle it since half of the 'we' isn't here.

"I'm going to find a house and try to get them settled quickly. I need to get a car, too."

"I'll wire money to the bank first thing in the morning."

It was quiet and my mind was racing with everything I wanted to say, and wanted to hear, but I remained silent.

"Bella," he finally said. "You know I love you, right?"

"Yes, Edward, I do. But you can't leave your other feelings unanswered. You have to act on them or end them. I don't want you coming back if you don't know for sure."

"I'm so afraid the other road will be so much easier. I'm terrified that I'm a coward." His voice was soft and shaky.

I closed my eyes and made myself let go of the tiny rattle of hope.

"It will be, Edward. Take the road that makes you happy. I couldn't bear to see you miserable."

"You make me happy," he said forcefully.

"You're not certain of that anymore. I need you to be certain and then we can work out anything."

We were quiet again and the silence hurt so much worse than his words.

"Please stay in touch with the kids," I begged.

"Absolutely," he promised.

"Good night, Edward," I managed to get out before my voice broke.

"I love you, Bella."

"I love you, too."

When I returned to the bedroom Lizzy was asleep. I snuggled in behind her and put my arm over her waist, out of love, and also as a precaution in case she decided to run. I slept so hard and can't remember if I dreamed of Edward or not.

I tried to get the kids to come with me to look for a house, but they were refusing to leave the big screen television. I left Charlie in charge, since I would only trust somebody armed to deal with Lizzy. I looked at several houses with a rent-to- buy option and decided on one close to the high school. I was hoping to be hired in the fall and if not I could keep a close eye on the kids.

I walked through the place and tried to imagine my family living there. It seemed to fit us until I got to the master bedroom. It was large with a deck overlooking the forest and a fireplace tucked in a corner. It would be the perfect romantic room if Edward came back. If not, it would haunt me every night.

I stared at it, as I stood in the middle of the room, causing my mother to come wrap her arms around me. "Honey, fight for him."

"I can't mom. He has to choose us. It would be too easy to make him feel guilty and run back to us. I need to know he wants me and wants a life with me."

We were just getting ready to leave when someone walked through the door and screamed my name. I knew the voice and ran for the door. "Jessica," I screamed.

We hugged and cried and she kept stepping back to look at me. "Are you really staying?" she asked.

"Yes, my kids need a small town right now. I'm working on tough love," I explained.

"Is Edward going to commute to Seattle?"

"Come on Jess, you know that isn't possible. Edward is in Chicago right now. We just wanted to get the kids settled before school starts."

She looked at my eyes and knew there was more to the story, but I interrupted before she could ask. "Is the school hiring?"

"We have two teachers retiring and one expecting, so hurry and put your application in."

"My kids need jobs, you know of any?"

"I know the Miller girl just left the Ice- cream Palace. Want me to say something to the owner?"

"Please do, that would be great to get them out and meeting other kids."

"Let's get together, Bella, and have dinner. Promise me you will call."

I took the fact Jessica found me at this house as a sign it was meant for us and signed a lease. My next task was finding a car and I needed Charlie's help with that. Again, I begged the kids to come but a day of vegging was what they wanted.

Charlie drove me to Port Angeles after I threatened the kids with the removal of every electrical device in the house if they pulled anything while I was gone.

"Bells, I think you're doing the right thing," he said right as we left the Forks city limits. "Your mom gets scared and just wants everything to work out, but you are doing the right thing."

"Thanks Charlie, it's pretty terrifying to send your husband after some gorgeous Brit and maintain any hope he will come home."

"Life hasn't treated you fair; you're due a happy ending."

"From your mouth to God's ear, Charlie," I laughed.

"I'm here for you and the kids, too."

"I'm lucky, and I will be okay with you and Renee being my happy ending," I said trying to convince myself.

I returned that evening with a dependable foreign car which Lizzy assured me was my color. I had to admit I gravitated to blue because I missed Edward. I was also informed about the recent employment of my daughter at the Ice-cream Palace. She was excited and anxious to make new friends….please let them be girls without tattoos or piercings!

Jonathon was offered a job too, but politely refused it. He felt his talents could bring him better pay and a higher degree of dignity than what the Palace could offer. I was so worried.

Right at bed time Edward called. Jonathon spoke to him about the market trends he heard about today and assured him the vehicle I bought was highly rated for trade-in value. Lizzy grabbed the phone and told him proudly of her job and how she would be running the place and having all the boys do her work for her. She finally handed the phone to me.

"Hi," I said softly.

"I heard you found a house."

"Yes, right by the high school. You know the street that buffers up to the forest? It will be perfect for the kids."

"Good, good," he said.

"Are you still in Chicago?" I asked in fear.

"Yeah, um…I'm leaving tomorrow to um…."

"Okay," I helped him. "Is everything okay with Carlisle?" I said to change the subject.

"It will be. He loves the kids, Bella, he really does."

"I don't doubt it. I just don't approve of how he shows it."

"Yeah," he said quietly.

"Edward, wow this is harder than I thought. Um…do you have any furniture you want here? I mean the stuff at your place didn't seem like you, but I could be wrong. And I'm not trying to assume you will be coming, I just want to let you know I'm getting furniture."

"I don't want anything here," he said emphatically.

"Are you sure because…"

"Really," he yelled, "are we really going to talk about furniture Bella? Jesus….."

"My kids need furniture," I told him coldly, while I wanted to say they needed him, that I needed him, and beg him to come to us. I wanted him to decide not to go to London and come to Forks, but no matter how hard this was he had to go stand face to face with her and choose me. It was the only way we were going to work.

"_Our _kids, Bella, and I will provide _our_ kids with whatever they need," he said angrily.

"I'm not trying to fight with you, Edward. I'm trying really hard to be mature here."

He exhaled loudly and I could just picture him pinching his nose, with his perfect fingers, on his magical hands. My body ached and called to him like a magnet. I was afraid to hang up. She was going to see him tomorrow and try to persuade him to take the easy route. He would see the kids during the summer and maybe a holiday or two and write checks to ease his conscience.

"Edward," I cried into the phone. "I will always love you."

"Did I fail you?" he asked in pain.

"No, baby, you saved me, just like you always do."

"I missed you so much," he began to cry.

"I know, I'm so sorry," I sobbed with him.

"Ask me to come home, Bella, please," he pleaded.

"I can't ask… you have to find your way here. I'll understand if we don't hear from you for a few days."

I said the words, but my heart didn't believe them. I would not understand, I would sit by the phone, counting the time difference and break in two as he spent time with her.

"Um yeah, I'm not sure about the time and…."

"Yeah, right, it's okay. I'll tell the kids they will hear from you soon."

"Okay, buy what you need Bella, promise me you will get everything you need."

"Hey, I own Cullen Enterprises, what else could I possibly want?" I said sarcastically.

"Goodnight, Edward."

"Goodnight, Love."

And my hold on him was gone. It was as simple as hanging up a phone. I knew the next couple of days would be the longest in my life. I planned on submersing myself in getting the house furnished and the kids to work. I even made plans to run with Jonathon in the morning to keep my body in shape on the off chance Edward came home.

I lay in bed running my hands through Elizabeth's hair when she asked me to tell her about meeting Edward. She had no idea the memories would be like a knife in my soul. She wanted to hear how her parents fell in love, so I told her the story as if it was two perfect strangers from a novel.

I left out all the horrible things Carlisle had done and how he voted not to have my legs fixed. The world was harsh enough without realizing your relatives were pariahs.

"Do you think a boy will ever love me as much as Daddy loves you?"

"I guarantee it," I smiled.

"Love hurts doesn't it?"

If she only knew, and I hoped she never would. I hoped her heart would stay perfectly intact and some boy would worship her until she died at the age of a hundred and ten.

"Love is a lot of work, but look at the payoff," I said as I tweaked her nose.

"I bet the payoff is a lot of work, too," she teased.

"By George I think you've got it."

"You are such a dork, mom!"


	10. Chapter 10

Name: LEARN

Author: Sdfreeze

Chapter 10

**Stephenie Meyer owns the characters.**

* * *

Chapter: 10

**Learn to Share**

I sat in the dark booth in the back of the lounge, holding onto my girlie umbrella drink, as I stared into Jessica's stunned face. I had to admit it felt good to share my problems and get another perspective, which I was certain would be in total agreement with mine.

Isn't that what girlfriends were for, to share and bolster each other as we marched directly through the burning gates of hell? I never needed a girlfriend as much as I did now and Jessica didn't disappoint.

"Bella, my god, I feel awful for you," she cried out, and it felt like a warm blanket on my heart.

"I'm trying to stay positive," I assured her, "and hope he comes back."

"Are you sure you want him? I mean, I wouldn't mind going into a coma and have some hag take Ben off my hands, but she would just send his ass back home when she realized what a slob he is."

"I remember a time you thought he was the greatest thing alive," I reminded her.

"Yeah, well, that was before the receding hairline, hairy back, beer belly, and sudden uncontrollable flatulence."

"Jessica, stop," I laughed.

"I'm serious, last night he walks up to me as I'm doing dishes, grabs my ass and tits and says, 'I'm gonna give you the big one.'"

I couldn't help but laugh at her impression and began to lack confidence in the Forks High science department.

"Why do men think we find shit like that romantic? I blame it on football," she said with decision.

"Football?"

"Yes, we should do away with all sports and stick their asses in poetry classes every afternoon. Maybe they will learn some manners and stop trying to score every second."

"Well, I love Edward no matter what, and I would take him with a receding hairline, hairy back, beer gut, and even uncontrollable gas."

"You are so full of it, Bella. Edward is probably still gorgeous and, hell, look at you, you look amazing," she said motioning toward my body.

Tears began to form as I said, "Not amazing enough, evidently."

"Tell me about the tart," she said to make me laugh.

"She's not a tart. She runs the London division of Cullen Enterprises," I said with a sigh.

"Camilla Parker- Bowles ish?"

"No, I only saw her once, years ago. She was brunette, long legs and big boobs," I answered as I shook my head in despair.

"Okay, so the boobs have drooped, the legs have cellulite, and the hair is turning grey. Plus you know her teeth have to be bad, too."

"And Edward is with her and not me, not helping here, Jess."

"Oh Bella, come on, smile. Edward loves you, he'll be back."

"Do you realize he has known me longer as a comatose partner than as a live one? How can I have any hope he will come back to me?"

"You think he would move to London and leave his kids?"

"He was raised traveling the world, he won't see anything wrong with it," I said as fear began settling into my bones. "I thought I was scared when I had the babies with no experience, but having teenagers, I'm terrified."

"You've taught high school," Jessica pointed out.

"Yeah, I have them for one hour at a time and send them home to their parents to deal with, I would give anything for a principles office in my house," I laughed.

"You do the best you can, and save money for their therapy," she shrugged.

"Oh, I'm already planning on putting them into therapy, maybe shock treatments to electrocute every ounce of Carlisle out of them."

"Why is he such an ass?"

"Because he can, rich people can act anyway they want," I said with disgust.

"But Edward isn't like that," she reminded me.

I shook my head and felt the tears coming again. "Jessica, why would Edward come home, Britney is everything his family wants him to have. If he decided to fight me for custody they could easily take my kids."

Jessica sat quietly as I tried to wipe away the tears from my face and the doubt from my heart. I can't imagine Edward purposely hurting me by taking my children from me, I just wasn't sure he understood how much I needed to keep him too.

"I love him so much," I whispered. "How can I ever live without him?

"Bella, go after him," she said forcefully.

"You should have seen his face, Jess. He felt so guilty. I can't make him come home and spend the rest of my life looking into his culpable eyes. He has to choose, all on his own, and if he chooses me I will love him even more."

"Okay, then let me set you up with someone. Try a little variety and see if you don't want to start over too."

"I don't want to start over. I want Edward or nothing." I bit my lip and pondered whether to tell Jessica something or not, she wasn't fooled for a second.

"Spit it out."

"If he doesn't come home you know what I would wish? I would wish I could go back in time and when my heart begins to fail, I wouldn't bang on that wall. I would die right there in that beach house."

"What about your kids, Bella?"

"Jess, I am so terrified that Edward's absence will ruin me to the point I will be useless to them."

She reached across the table and held my shaking hands. "Stop this right now. I won't let that happen. If I have to come to your house everyday and pry the ice-cream spoon from your hand and shower your greasy ass, I will."

I laughed and it felt good. "I don't have a greasy ass," I imparted.

"Well, Ben does and I shower his, so what would one more be?"

"Thanks Jess. I really needed this tonight. I will never be able to look at Ben again, but this really did help."

"You're welcome, and I can't stand to look at Ben either."

We were laughing, actually laughing and all my problems seemed to disappear for a few moments. The waiter came by to give us a couple of drinks some men had sent to our table. I lifted my hand to stop him from sitting the glasses down, but Jess grabbed my fingers and pushed them back onto the table.

"Tell them we said thanks for the drinks, my friend just found out she has syphilis and I am trying to console her, so we really appreciate the extra alcohol."

The poor young man stared at us in shock and subconsciously wiped his hands off on the towel hanging from his apron. Just when I was really beginning to enjoy the whole girlfriend concept she ruined it for me. She threw me under the bus just for a free Jack and coke.

"Why did I have to be the one with syphilis?" I said in anger.

"Because you are the one they are panting over, not me. Sure you don't want to try something new before something old comes back?"

And I was right back in despair… just that quickly my fun plummeted into ache. I didn't have the perspective of loving Edward for almost two decades. I only remembered seven of them, but they were the best seven years of my life, even though we struggled so much in the beginning, I would not change a thing. My pitiful life placed me in that window and I would spend eternity thanking my lucky stars for it.

"Jess, I know you don't understand but my entire heart, and anybody else's I end up schlepping around, only has room for Edward. It takes an entire heart to hold what I feel for him. I don't want anyone else."

The hardest part for me was the sitting back and doing nothing. I had learned to fight for Edward and this time I couldn't. I had to hold out hope he would see Britney, realize he loved me enough to work like hell to fix us, and then come home without ever kissing her. I was insane if I thought that was going to happen.

I needed to prepare myself for the possibility Edward won't choose until he knows exactly what his choices are, and that means giving Britney a shot. I had to work on being able to forgive him if he gave in to temptation before coming home. I would always love him, that was a certainty, but could I 'love him' after someone else became his last.

I placed my forehead on the table and sobbed as Jess gently rubbed my head, "I'm so sorry, Bella. I'll be here and I'll help you."

I loved chick love; girlfriends were the greatest invention on earth, until I reached out and took Jessica's hand in mine only to have her pull away and scream, "Don't get your syphilis on me!"

"You bitch!" I laughed.

It had been five days since we last heard from Edward. I didn't expect to hear for three, but five was making me nervous. I tried to prepare my heart for the pain of losing him and busied myself with the house and kids. We had beds, a kitchen table and chairs, and a piano, but everything else hadn't been delivered yet.

Lizzy was the new star in town. She became friends with anyone who happened into the Palace and any girl she brought home was instantly run through Charlie's approval. He would give me background information on the girl, her parents and usually her grandparents. I love small towns.

Jonathon had lied about his age to get hired at one of the logging mills, after lying to me about being old enough to apply. He made great money and actually studied at night to learn more about the industry. I wasn't happy about him working with older men, but it was only a summer job. I really hoped he would get in with kids his own age when track season started.

Jonathon hated the girls Lizzy brought home. He found them silly and immature. When I secured a piano instructor I made sure she was very matronly, but after one lesson she felt Jonathon needed a higher skilled teacher, and there was only one in town, and she was a divorcee. I may have to buy him a car, so he can drive to Port Angeles for lessons.

Nights were awful. I couldn't sleep and could only imagine what was going on in London. I was never an experienced girl and relied on Edward to teach me what he needed. Maybe more creative women knew things he didn't think of and there was no way he would ever return to my boring bed. It was hard for me to imagine Edward being that petty, but it was easier than thinking he just loved somebody else more than me.

I was folding a basket of wash I had taken to my mom's when my cell phone rang.

"Mrs. Cullen this is the Forks Hospital emergency room. Your son has had an accident at the mill. We are going to fly him to Seattle for specialized care."

I grabbed a pencil and began writing down the information the nurse gave me. She was saying something about the nerves in Jonathon's hand and how he may lose it. My mind pictured him sitting at his piano and I immediately pulled it back. I couldn't focus on that right now. I needed to help my son and I needed Edward.

I dialed his cell number, having no idea what time it was in London, and a woman answered. My hands went numb and I almost dropped the phone.

"I need to talk with Edward," I cried.

"He's asleep, is it urgent?"

I slid down the wall holding me up and managed a whispered, "Yes."

I heard her softly call out to him, and tell him to wake up, he had a call. His sleepy voice answered and my heart, along with all my hope, crashed.


	11. Chapter 11

Name: LEARN

Author: Sdfreeze

Chapter 11

**Stephenie Meyer owns the characters.**

* * *

Chapter: 11

**Learn to Choose**

I sat in the dark restaurant feeling like a cheating husband; it seemed wrong, and sordid. I looked around the room at the other men nursing their drinks and noticed the look of lost dreams and broken spirits. I never thought life would ever put me in this category.

I couldn't deny the small flicker of excitement I felt knowing Britney was coming to meet me and there was nothing stopping me from pulling her into my arms now. The thrill was mixed with self hatred that made it hard to sit still.

I turned to look out the window and saw my own reflection in the dark glass. I couldn't force myself to look at the hopeless man in the mirror. I didn't deserve Bella, I needed to stay here and only use a tiny portion of my heart, the small section I had offered to Britney. It was all I was worthy of anyway.

Britney had slowly, slowly taken Bella's place as my confidant and friend. I was attracted to her on the surface, but so much more to the person I grew to know. She was kind and understanding and never pushed me beyond my comfort zone. We had shared dinners and movies and long talks on her sofa, but never more than that.

It would be so easy to stay right here in London and worry about pleasing one woman, who didn't expect much from me, instead of going to Forks and work on fixing my family. I really hoped I could make the right choice and not just the easy one.

I had been here for four days, waiting for Britney to return from Spain on business. I didn't call Bella; I would have gone back to the States if I heard her voice. I forced myself to stay and face the decision I had to make.

I wanted to be able to tell Bella I kept her memory alive to our children, but I couldn't even do that. I couldn't look into their adoring faces and tell them about the woman who tore my life apart when she left. That job had been left to Alice.

I was gone from the kids so much in the beginning of Bella's illness, desperate to find any way to bring her back to us. The kids were too young to understand, and every moment I spent with them screamed at me to find something faster. Time was ticking away and I couldn't believe how quickly the kids grew and changed.

A knocking sound woke me that day on the Island. I thought a storm was coming and the shutters had come loose. I sat up, only to find Bella gone from my side, and figured she was trying to handle the banging wood on her own.

I ran from that couch to where Bella's legs were sticking out in the hallway, only to find my reason for living slowly slipping from my hands. I grabbed the phone and screamed into the line as I worked furiously on her fading heart.

I was panicking as the minutes ticked by, and heard a pop, as I pushed too hard on her chest. I had to force myself to calm down, and breathe slowly into her mouth, as the fear I may actually be the one to kill her entered my mind.

I began talking to her as I did the chest compressions, telling her all about her life, hoping it would give her a reason to hang on. I told her how much I loved her and how much I needed her. I told her about her babies and what a great mother she was, and then I begged her, pleading like I never had in my life for her to stay with me.

They wouldn't let me in the helicopter that flew her struggling body away. I watched, as the horrid drumming of the rotors ticked in time to my breaking heart, at the thought of never seeing Bella again. My memories of the day my mother died flooded my brain as I watched Bella fly away.

The house was full of strangers when a driver brought me home from school. Emmett was in a suit, sitting next to my father, and I figured he had spent the day with dad at work for some school assignment. I laughed at him, but he turned his head and didn't respond. That was the moment I knew something terrible happened. Emmett never missed a chance to pummel me.

"Son, come here," my father called out.

I walked slowly to stand in front of him and I will never forget his eyes. I had never seen those eyes and didn't know who this man was. I was afraid of him. I was too young to realize my father changed that day, never again to be the man I used to know. I was now afraid to look at my own eyes. I knew what I would see; the same level of brokenness would reside in my eyes, too.

I sat in Bella's room, waiting for a heart, as machines kept her alive. I held her tiny fingers and begged with my entire soul for God to let me keep her. "Don't leave me, Bella," I pleaded.

She left.

And my entire world collapsed.

I tumbled blindly into a darkness that ate away at my core, piece by agonizing piece, until Britney called me one day and came by the care center in Germany, where I had placed Bella for yet another experimental procedure.

Britney took me to get a drink and listened to me spill my heartache out in a drunken rage. I admitted for the first time my marriage to Lauren was a sham. I told her how I had failed my children and my only love, and Britney let me do it, never contradicting me or challenging me. She let me vent until I got enough stuff out of my heart to make room for a small amount of healing.

When I moved Bella to Italy, to actually try bathing her in a healing spring, Britney showed up. I sat in a chair next to the bed cradling Bella in my arms pleading once more for her to look at me. I didn't think I would make it through that night. My pain was so consuming I wanted to die if Bella didn't open her eyes.

Britney stayed with me, making sure when I placed Bella back into her bed that I went back to the hotel, and not somewhere to blow my brains out. She literally saved my life that night.

During my wandering thoughts Britney walked into the restaurant. I felt my heart jump, nothing like it did for Bella, but something was there. I stood and she walked up to give me a hug.

"I'm so glad you're here, Edward. What a nice surprise."

I smiled and felt my hands begin to shake. I wasn't strong enough for this. I needed the comfort of a woman and was terrified any woman would do right now.

"Oh, dear," she said looking worriedly at my face. "Something's wrong."

I chuckled at how she summed it up, but also came nowhere near what was going on.

"Bella's awake," I said bluntly.

Her eyes widened and she stared at me waiting for more.

"She's with our kids in Washington." I took a drink from my water. "She…a….she sent me here."

"You told her about us?"

"I love her, but I have feelings for you and I'm not quite sure what they are. I feel like I'm cheating on Bella just by being here."

"She isn't your wife any longer, Edward," Britney pointed out.

I shook my head in disgust. "Yea, well, I have one of those, too."

"Oh, please," she said dismissing my concern for Lauren.

I pressed my finger over my lip as I brought my hand to my chin. My leg was bouncing with all the pent up energy I was feeling.

"I made love to her," I admitted, and noticed how Britney tried to hide the disappointment from her face.

I felt tears in my eyes as I thought about making love to Bella. She gave me everything she had, but I had let a piece of my heart go. I didn't give her everything I had, I gave some to Britney.

Britney reached over and put her hand on mine. "I want to be able to fight for you, too. I can't compete with the memories and the years, but I know I love you, and I want to be able to show you how much."

"It's not that simple. If I even kiss you I can't return to Bella. I can't take a piece of myself back to her, it is all or nothing."

"I'm not demanding that, Edward. I understand a piece of you stays with Bella and I can live with that. It isn't all or nothing with me. I only ask that you give me a chance to show you what I can give you."

The waiter came and I ordered a whiskey sour, than became too terrified to drink it. I would wake up in Britney's bed and my life with Bella would be over. I wasn't ready for that.

"Edward, was that why you suddenly cancelled our plans a few months ago?"

I nodded, remembering how I was on my way to spend the weekend on holiday with Britney. I had every intention of making our friendship physical, and trying to start my life over with her, when I got the call Bella was awake. I rushed back home to her side only to feel guilty for everything she had lost. I had to find out if my guilt was holding me to her, or my love.

"I'm terrified, Britney," I admitted.

"Of me?"

"Yes," I whispered, hoping she didn't understand I was terrified of choosing her because I was weak.

She smiled softly and held my face in her hands, "I'm safe, Edward. There is nothing to fear here with me."

It would be so easy, so damn easy, to give up and play it safe.

"My children…" I began and Britney interrupted me.

"Are part of you, I understand it is a package deal."

"My kid's lives have been turned upside down again, if I don't return I am purposely hurting them."

Just saying the truth hurt so much more than I thought it would. I almost stood to leave at that moment.

"You are in the horrible position of having to purposely hurt somebody. But not your children, they will always love you; there is nothing that would turn them against you, because you have always loved them. It is me or Bella you have to decide to hurt."

"I've already hurt Bella, so many times."

"Then maybe you shouldn't be with her."

The possibility that Bella would be better off without me cut like a dagger. I spent so many years trying to keep her with me and maybe it would have been better for her if I had walked away. I felt sick and I needed to get out of the dark room that smelled of liquor and rain.

I called the waiter over and paid for our drinks and then walked outside. Britney followed and put her arm in mine and led me down the street. I let her lead and really didn't care where we were headed. I just needed some air and the open street, where I didn't feel trapped.

"Edward, tell me what you like about me," Britney asked softly.

"You're kind, and giving, and smart, and funny, and very beautiful." She smiled and leaned her head against my arm as we continued to walk.

"Okay, what do you like about Bella?"

"I love everything about Bella."

"So, why are you here?"

I stopped walking and turned to look at her. I thought about her question and I couldn't say it was because Bella sent me. It was nice to talk to Britney and not be judged or criticized, but why was I here?

My feelings for Britney had grown slowly over the years. They weren't instantaneous and consuming like when I met Bella behind the glass window. My feelings for Britney were nothing compared to what I felt for Bella, so again, why was I here?'

I stared into her eyes trying to visualize making love to her, but the body my hand was touching was familiar, it was Bella's. I pictured coming home at night opening the door, and it was Bella smiling at me, to welcome me home. I closed my eyes and imagined waking up for the first time, and as I opened them I felt disappointment that Britney was staring at me, not Bella, so why in the hell was I here?

"Edward, come home with me. I promise nothing will happen, just come with me and let me hold you as you sort this all out."

I nodded. My mind was screaming at me and calling me a coward, but something made me come here and I had to find out what it was. When we got to her flat I headed right to the bedroom. I removed my shoes and dress shirt and lay on her bed.

She seemed bothered about something, but I needed to think, and quite frankly, I didn't care what it was. I was only vaguely aware when she crawled onto the bed next to me and snuggled against my side. I put my arm around her and pulled her to my chest. We lay there like that, neither one of us speaking.

Why wasn't I lying like this at home with Bella? I had her in my arms; I made love to her and it was amazing, but I let it slip away and I had to figure out why.

I began thinking back over the years and how I paid people to come work with her dead limbs to keep her muscles working; limbs they told me would never hold me again. All the nights I spent sobbing over the empty spot in our bed, the empty chair at our table, my empty hands with nothing to touch, sending me all over the world in search of more options.

The Mother's Day programs at school brought renewed determination every year; I would sit there, the only man in the group, and vow it would be the last year Bella would miss.

I felt panic in my heart as I thought over the ache I had endured. Terror began to build as I relived my memories, threatening to suffocate me.

It was beginning to click in my feeble brain that my fear of being left drove me here. Bella caused my greatest trepidation to turn into reality, she left me, not willingly, but she was gone. I couldn't endure it if she left me again and my fear of that happening made me come to Britney.

It wouldn't hurt if Britney left me, except maybe my pride. Bella was ingrained in my soul and there was so much pain surrounding her memory that I tried to run from it. But how stupid could I be, if I ran from the pain I missed all the love and joy she brought to my life.

Her smile could light up the darkest days and there was nothing in the world as wonderful as lying in her arms. I wanted to be there right now, feeling her against me as I pushed the fear away and let hope fill that spot, hope I wouldn't be alone again, and hope I would never hurt her again for the rest of my life.

Bella wanted me to choose, and there never was a choice to be made. She became my life the moment I looked in her window and she blushed her way into my heart. I smiled at the memory and a new ache entered my body. I ached for her love, as the certainty of my decision worked its way through my fear.

My arm instinctively recoiled from the unwanted flesh it was holding.

"Britney," I said softly.

"I know, Edward. You're going home."

"Thank you," I whispered.

"Get some sleep and I will wake you in the morning. You won't get a flight out tonight," she said as she climbed out of her own bed.

I rolled onto my side and began planning how I would try to make this up to Bella. I wanted to cry over the miles I would have to travel to see her again. I wanted to cry from the pure joy coursing through me as I gained the strength to risk my heart again. Mostly I wanted to cry as the realization Bella was awake, and alive, and she still wanted me, sank into every fiber of my being.

I eventually fell asleep, only to be startled by Britney shaking me. "Edward, wake up you have a phone call."

I looked at her, confused for a moment. I had been dreaming of Bella and couldn't figure out why Britney was in my house. She was holding my cell phone and handed it to my muddled brain.

"Hello?" I said groggily.

"Edward, its Bella."

I was suddenly wide awake and realized how awful this appeared; Britney answering my cell and waking me up for a call, shit!

"Edward," she said again in tears. "Jonathon's been hurt."


	12. Chapter 12

Name: LEARN

Author: Sdfreeze

Chapter 12

**Stephenie Meyer owns the characters.**

* * *

Chapter: 12

**Learn to Heal**

I rushed to Seattle, after making sure Charlie and Renee would keep an eye, an ear, and handcuffs if necessary, on Lizzy. It was the middle of the night when I arrived and there wasn't anyone to talk with me about my son's condition. I just sat in a chair and stared at his bandaged hand, as he slept from the morphine drip in his arm. I eventually fell asleep, determined to stick the drip in my own arm if dreams of Edward came.

It was hard to sleep with all the noise and interruptions. Why do they keep sick and injured people in a place that is impossible to get any rest? And do they make the place so cold on purpose, so you will leave and make your insurance company happy, by doing anything to go home where it is warm and quiet? I welcomed the intrusion when the doctor arrived.

He explained how Jonathon's hand was pulled into a crusher and it was too early to tell if he would ever have the use of it again. Nerves are tricky little buggers and only time can tell if the surgery was successful. So, like everything else in my life, all I could do was wait.

I was grateful the pain medication kept him asleep most of the day, but it left a lot of time for me to just sit, and worry, and ache. I decided to wander out into the city and try to purchase something that would keep me warm.

I bought a dark blue hoodie and some flannel pants, so I could be comfortable and warm. I even used the shower in the hospital room to clean up a little.

I was lying uncomfortably in the recliner, trying to sleep, when I felt someone touch my hand. I slowly opened my eyes to see Edward, squatting down in front of me holding my hand in his. I gasped as he pulled me out of the chair and into his arms. He held me so tightly I couldn't breathe, but I didn't care. His hands moved to my lower back and into my hair, it was a hold I remembered so well.

I clung to him with a need I don't ever remember being so strong. I needed my husband, my lover, the father of my children. I needed him and nobody else in the world would ever do. And that was when it hit me, he wasn't mine to cling to. He wasn't my husband and he came for his son, straight from the other woman's bed.

I pulled back and could feel my face blush. He looked at me with such an odd expression and I felt awkward and embarrassed.

"God, Bella, you look so young," he said looking at my clothing.

"I was cold," I tried to explain.

He nodded and looked over at Jonathon.

"He got his hand caught in a crusher at the mill. They don't know if he will be able to use it."

"What was he doing at a mill?"

"He got a summer job there. He wouldn't take the one at the Palace with Lizzy; Carlisle taught him he was above that," I said bitterly.

Edward looked at me with another odd expression.

"Has Carlisle talked with Jonathon?" He asked.

"Aside from the thirteen years he stole from me?" I said hatefully.

I instantly regretted my words and began apologizing. "I'm just upset for Jonathon, I'm sorry to lash out at you."

I stared at Edward as he stroked Jonathon's face and finally asked what I was dying to know. "Are you alone?"

I saw his eyes close in a pained expression and I prepared myself for the answer. He turned and nodded for me to follow him. We walked to the consultation room at the end of the long hallway and I wondered why we would need a sound proof room. Did he really expect me to scream and beg him to stay? I had already given up hope; I just needed the final blow to crush the seed forever.

He turned to face me, as I shut the door, and I noticed how terrified he looked. "I tried, Bella. I tried to walk away, but I can't."

I nodded and said with a broken heart. "I really want you to be happy, and you can see the kids anytime."

I crumbled; my face fell into my hands and loud sobs ripped from my chest. He pulled me to him, plunging the knife even further.

"No, Bella, I can't walk away from you. I love you so much and I can't live without you. It was fear pushing me to Britney, I see that now. I am so afraid of losing you again that the fear was ruling me."

"Are you sure?" I cried into his chest.

"You will always be my strongest weakness, Bella. I have to learn to deal with that and the fear it produces in me. I want you to promise, to swear, you will never leave me again, but I can't ask you to do that. I can only promise you that I will love you with everything I am, for as long as you let me."

I loosened my hold on him and had to ask the hard question. "Did you have sex with her?"

"No, love, I slept in her bed by myself, in order to catch an early flight. You're still my last."

I finally lifted my head to look into his eyes. I was done. This man owned me. I would do anything to fix our marriage and never let him leave again. He kissed me lovingly and tenderly and there was nothing passionate about it. It was building trust in one another.

"Bella," Edward said with force, "I won't feel guilty any longer for what happened to us. I did the best I could and holding you in my arms tells me I was right."

"I never want you to feel guilty, Edward. I learned nothing else matters, as long as we are together. You chose to come home; I can only love you for that."

"I didn't choose, love, there was never a choice to be made. It has always been you in my heart. Fear, not Britney, snuck in."

I smiled as he held me tightly against him, filling me with the strength I needed to face the current tragedy. Our son needed us, together and strong, to help him through his difficult time.

We returned back to Jonathon's room, and when another doctor came in and Edward spoke, Jonathon opened his eyes.

"Dad?"

"Yes, son, I'm here."

"I did a stupid thing," Jonathon said.

"No, you had an accident. I did a stupid thing, but I'm home and we're a family."

"So give it to me straight," Jonathon said with terrified eyes.

I reached out and took his good hand as Edward leaned over him to explain. "We just don't know right now. It all depends on how your hand heals. We'll assume the best until we find out otherwise."

Jonathon looked back and forth between me and Edward. "And is that what Lizzy and I should do, assume the best?"

"No, son, this is forever. This, you can count on." And Edward placed his hand on top of mine.

My phone rang and it was Lizzy wanting her update. Edward took my cell and answered with a big smile on his face. "Shouldn't you be making shakes or something?"

I heard her scream and it made me laugh.

"I'm home to stay," he said.

He listened for a bit and his eyes suddenly darted to me.

"Um…sorry, love, but your mom rules the roost."

I grabbed my phone from his hand. "What are you up to Elizabeth Joy?"

She giggled innocently and asked about Jonathon. I told her we would most likely be home in two days and she was to remain at Charlie and Renee's, or the town jail, she could decide.

Edward, Jonathon, and I chatted about trivial things until visiting hours were over. We couldn't both sleep in the recliner and I wasn't about to let Edward out of my sight, so we booked a hotel room close to the hospital.

I was nervous when we walked into the dark room together. He was the only man I had ever known and I was afraid to touch him.

"Can we talk about sex, Edward?" I finally asked.

He chuckled uncomfortably and sat on the bed to face me.

"You know you are the only man I've made love to, and I'm just wondering if I am disappointing you in any way."

"Hell Bella, you scared me," he laughed.

"Why?"

"I thought you were going to tell me to step it up or hand me a list of complaints."

"What," I gasped. "Never, you are amazing, but I rely on you so much to teach me, that can't be fun for you."

He smiled and brought my hand to his lips. He opened his mouth slightly and ran a soft kiss over my fingers as I sighed.

"That right there," he smoldered, "hearing those sounds come from you makes it very fun for me. And Bella, there are things you do that shocks the hell out of me."

"Yeah?" I laughed.

"Oh, yeah," he said as he pulled me to him.

I wonder how long he would be willing to lie naked on a bed for me. I would promise to feed him and bathe him, but I wanted him to be there so at any moment in the day I could go stare at his beautiful face and amazing body. Well, not just stare, but I wasn't sure Eddie would be willing to remain at full attention all day.

The alone time was exactly what we needed and we ripped that bed apart. We had desperate, can't live without you sex, then sweet, you are my life sex, and finally wild, let me show you what I've got sex.

We were giddy teenagers as we walked into our son's room the next day. Jonathon's face was drawn and disappointed and I wanted to do anything to fix the sadness in his eyes.

"Can I go home today?" he blurted out.

"We'll ask the doctor when he makes his rounds, do you feel ready?" I asked.

"It doesn't do me any good to lie here."

I looked at Edward with the fear that Jonathon's melt down was on its way. He looked back at me with confidence and it bolstered me.

"If we take you home, you will have to follow all of the doctor's instructions," I assured him.

"Whatever," he sneered.

"No, not whatever," Edward stated firmly. "You will, okay?"

"Fine," he mumbled.

I signed all the forms as Edward brought my car around. We put Jonathon in the back seat and made the long drive home. I was nervous for Edward to see the house, and happy the family room furniture arrived so Jonathon would at least have somewhere to sit. I noticed how he kept staring at his piano and I wished it was still sitting at the store, instead of here to torture him.

I was desperate for something to cheer up my sad son and only one thing came to mind. I called Alice and asked her if Emily could come for a visit. I shared with her the news of the accident and also the news Edward was home now. The second nugget of information shocked her greatly.

Alice agreed to let Emily come after she returned from a class trip to France and I made her promise not to let anyone know she had talked with me. I wasn't sure if Edward had made peace with Carlisle or not, and right now I didn't care. My son was my only priority.

That was until our daughter got home. She showed up after work with most of the starting line up on the Forks football team. When one boy began messing with the piano Jonathon walked over and rudely shut the lid, almost catching the boy's fingers. I hoped he would join in and make some friends, but he just headed down the hall to his room.

Lizzy ran into Edward's arms and after kissing his cheek she began whispering in his ear. He put his hands on her shoulders and slowly turned her in my direction and then pointed at me.

I stood with my arms crossed and watched her smile fade into realization she couldn't play her daddy like a fiddle. She finally turned to the group of boys and sadly announced she couldn't go.

She never asked me to go anywhere, but obviously it was somewhere she knew I would never allow. I was relieved to know that just by having Edward home I avoided what would have most likely been a big fight.

The boys left and we settled in, enjoying being together as a family, when our peace was suddenly interrupted.

Noise came from Jonathon's room that sounded like he was tearing the place apart. We all ran up the stairs and down the hallway to find Jonathon in his room with his mangled hand un-bandaged. He was staring at it, his eyes wild with rage. He began screaming in loud tormented howls and throwing anything he could get his good hand on.

Edward pushed me out of the way, and back into the hallway, as he slammed the door shut. I heard it lock before he took control and handled our son's meltdown. I never loved Edward as much as I did at that moment.

I sat against the wall with Lizzy and listened as Edward promised Jonathon things would get better, as he vowed to be a better father and husband, and finally, as he held his boy and let him cry out all his fears securely surrounded in his father's strong arms.


	13. Chapter 13

Name: LEARN

Author: Sdfreeze

Chapter 13

**Stephenie Meyer owns the characters.**

* * *

Chapter: 13

**Learn to Live**

"Okay, I know Bella, but tell me about yourself, Edward," Joyce said.

I could tell he was very nervous and felt like Joyce already knew all of his secrets. That was how she made me feel many years ago when I first came for help.

"I guess you could say I'm the reason for all of Bella's troubles," he said trying to joke.

I laughed to myself. He was not going to charm his way around Joyce and I was going to have fun watching him try.

"And that is how you define yourself, as Bella's trouble?"

_Oh, sweetie, you are minced meat_.

"No, I'm her husband…"

_Oops, you're dead now, honey bunny._

"Really," Joyce said loudly. "And why do you suppose that?"

"Well, I was her husband," Edward stammered, "and I plan on being her husband again…"

_Oh man, he didn't have a shovel; he was using a forklift to dig himself into a hole_.

"You plan on? Have you asked her? Have you shared your plan?" Joyce attacked him.

He looked at me and I couldn't help but laugh. "Need help, hun?" I asked.

"Fork yeah," he said frustrated.

Joyce turned to me and glared. "I'm speaking to Edward now Bella, I will get to you in a moment."

I lifted my hands in surrender and hoped she got tired from beating up Edward before she could get to me.

"Why are you here, precisely what is it you want to gain?" She asked him directly.

"I want to feel secure and trust I won't lose Bella."

"You will lose her, or she will lose you, that is just life," she said coldly.

He looked at me and grinned that mischievous smile that I loved so much . "I want her to take me with her if she goes."

I winked at him.

"That is ridiculous and you know it, Edward."

"I do know it, but it's true. I never want her to leave me. I was miserable without her."

"And you never had a relationship with another woman, not just physical release or a hook up?"

Now it was my turn to sweat. I didn't like the path she was headed down and I didn't want to find out anything new. Edward sat forward and looked at her like he was on trial for his life.

"I had a lot of hook ups when I was younger; the day I met Bella that ended. When you know love everything else seems meaningless and I was not willing to go back there again."

She stared at Edward completely unfazed, "You're married to someone else."

"No, I'm waiting for an annulment. It should be over any day now," he said angrily.

"Annulled on what grounds?"

"It was never consummated," he said proudly.

"Come on, Edward, a wife in a coma, you had to turn somewhere for support."

He looked at me with sad eyes and I nodded letting him know it was okay to talk about Britney.

"I developed a friendship with a woman," he admitted.

"Did she love you?"

"Yes."

Joyce spun around in her chair catching me by surprise. "How do you feel about that?"

"Well, it pretty much sucks, but it wasn't like I was keeping him engaged with my riveting conversation, what with the drooling and the paralysis. And of course she loved him, he's very lovable," I laughed.

He blew me a kiss and then his eyes grew wide when Joyce faced him again.

"Did your father's treatment of you change when your mother died?"

"I was seven, I can't remember. Esme was very good to me."

"You didn't resent her for taking your mother's place?"

"I was seven, all I knew was my mom left me."

"Pretend I'm your mother. What would you say to me?" Joyce sat forward right into Edward's face.

"This is crazy," Edward said in disgust and when Joyce continued to wait he flippantly added, "Wow mom, you've preserved rather well."

I was getting really nervous. I knew Joyce was going to push Edward into his own little meltdown and I was terrified for him.

"That's it? You would comment on her lack of decay? She left you at the age of seven and that's all you've got?"

"She didn't have a choice," he said raising his voice.

"So, you were seven, choice doesn't mean anything when you're seven. You needed her and she was gone."

"I thought I was here to work on my marriage," he demanded.

_Ah shit, another misstep babe!_

"I thought your marriage is getting annulled?" she pushed him.

"Bella's the only wife I acknowledge," he said forcefully.

"She's not your wife."

"Yes she is," he screamed loudly, "I divorced her on paper, not in my heart."

"So you made a choice?" she asked pointedly.

"What?"

"You had a choice and you chose to divorce her….on paper."

"For money, so I could get her top care and the latest experimental treatments. I spent every dime I had, even losing my company, to pay for treatments insurance denied," he shouted, and I noticed how his fists were clinched. "My father offered to help…"

"Do you feel lucky?" she interrupted him.

"Lucky, what's that supposed to mean?"

"You could barter for her treatment, your dad just had to say goodbye to his wife," Joyce pointed out.

"He seemed to do okay filling his bed without her," Edward sneered.

"And you would never do that."

"No, and I didn't," he yelled.

"You would never need friendship, or companionship, or comfort."

"NO!" he screamed this time.

"Or should I say, it took you thirteen years to admit you needed it."

His head dropped and I wanted to run over and hold him.

"Who is the cold unfeeling monster, Edward?" Joyce asked him.

He sat in silence, so she turned to me.

"Is Lizzy anything like you, Bella?"

"No, nothing," I answered confused.

"But you still love her don't you?"

"Unconditionally."

"Even if you don't understand her choices?" She said looking at her notes again.

"Yes, I love her no matter what."

"Do you hope she doesn't make mistakes?"

"Of course," I said defiantly.

"What if she falls in love with someone who you think is a mistake?"

"As long as he doesn't hurt her…"

"But you feel he will."

I sat there thinking of all the ways I would try to protect my daughter from her heart experiencing the hurt mine has. I never wanted her to ache, but if she loved someone I would have to allow that chance.

"Bella, Edward," Joyce said, "you two have to be willing to live with all of your relationships, not just your marriage, and that means extended family. Edward is stuck with the confusion and anger he had as a seven year old, and that translates into fear of being left by you, but the only way he can resolve that is by healing with his father."

I felt my chest tighten and anger fill me at the thought of letting Carlisle into our lives.

"Bella you are stuck as the girl Carlisle didn't want for his son. Instead of trying to show him another side of you, it manifested as blame for all the things Edward couldn't do. Edward can't fight his father when he is still the confused little boy, and he allowed his father to do what any father would do, he stepped in to try and give his son another reason to be happy."

Edward and I looked at each other and I refuted her reasoning. "He leveraged my care to control his son."

"Are you sure he didn't do everything possible for you, that he couldn't do for his wife, while trying to help his son."

My blood was boiling and I didn't want her to make Carlisle the good guy.

"Bella, you took from him the one thing Elizabeth left him, you took their little boy, and then due to no fault of your own you hurt him, imagine how that would make Carlisle feel."

I shook my head back and forth refusing to believe we needed Carlisle to live.

"Give him back his boy, Bella," she said to me. "And keep the man for yourself."

She turned to Edward. "Let your father comfort that sad child and let your family have the strong man."

Joyce took a deep breath and moved to the next subject. "What are your plans?"

"About what?" Edward asked quietly.

"Bella is going back to teaching, what are you going to do?"

"I was thinking about starting something online."

I looked at Edward, this was the first I had heard of this plan and surprise showed on my face.

"Why haven't you shared it with Bella?" Joyce asked.

"Because it keeps me tied to Cullen Enterprises, and I know Bella won't approve."

"So you were just going to do it behind my back?" I asked appalled.

"No, I wasn't going to do it behind your back. We have a lot on our plate right now that needs dealt with first."

"You need to sit down together and decide how you are going to live, and I don't mean economically. Prioritize your life and start working on things one at a time. Put your marriage first and then list things from there. "

We both nodded.

"Okay, how are things in the bedroom?" She moved to another subject.

Edward smiled and I turned bright red. "I have the hottest wife in Forks," Edward teased.

"Do you make time to be alone and to be intimate?" She asked.

"Often," he laughed.

She smiled at us and nodded, "Any intimacy issues or performance issues?"

Edward raised his eyebrows at me and I wanted to jump on him where he sat. The professor was right on track as usual and I had no complaints.

"None," I smiled.

"Okay, now the kids."

Oh man, it was going so well. Why did she have to bring up our biggest accomplishment and our biggest worry? The kids were one step forward, two steps back.

"Lizzy has a boyfriend," Edward began.

"Have you talked to her about protection?" Joyce asked.

Edward tightened his jaw. "You mean like if he touches her I'm going to kill him?"

"Did you touch girls at that age?"

"NO, I didn't."

I began laughing and he gave me the 'don't you dare' look.

"Edward lost is virginity in a very traumatizing way," I laughed.

"Oh," Joyce said and turned to him.

"Move on, this isn't up for discussion." Edward waved his hand to dismiss her look of concern.

"Okay, how about friends or brothers, did they touch girls at this age?"

I thought of Emmett and I knew Edward was thinking the exact same thing.

"She's not leaving the house," I answered quickly.

"Emmett snuck into plenty of houses," Edward said in fear.

"Can we give them up for adoption?" I ask, not sure if I was really joking or not.

Joyce laughed as if she knew what I felt. "You sit down with both kids and talk to them about sex. I want it done before their next session with me."

"Can't I just go back to my little boy persona and let Bella do it?" Edward teased.

"Let's see if you can remain a man long enough to pull this off," Joyce teased right back.

We all gave a sigh of relief and we stood to leave. Edward took my hand and smiled devilishly. "Let's go get it on in the car, and then tell our kids sex is way overrated."

"You child," I said.

"I'll show you child, Eddie just became Edward Anthony Cullen the second." And he pulled me quickly to the car.

We sat around the dinner table looking into the mortified faces of our kids. When I told them we needed to talk to them about sex, Lizzy immediately began to cry, and put her hands over her face.

"This is so humiliating," she wailed.

"Why, what would you have to be humiliated about, we're your parents," I tried to console her.

"It's bad enough I'm a virgin, and now my parents have to know," she sobbed in full drama mode.

Edward and I looked at each other in stunned silence. My baby girl was embarrassed for being a virgin, and she just turned sixteen years old. What had become of the world? Jonathon sat with a calm expression, but his knuckles were pure white.

"You just barely turned sixteen, Lizzy," I said in amazement.

"Lizzy, as your father I am so relieved to hear that," Edward tried to explain.

"It's not fair," she sobbed more. "Boys have it so much easier."

I went to open my mouth and Edward quickly placed his hand over it. "Don't even think about it," he warned.

"What?" Lizzy asked, sensing there was a story more embarrassing than her predicament.

"Sex should be about loving someone and sharing something…" Edward tried to explain.

Lizzy and Jonathon both began laughing and Edward threw his hands up in the air in surrender. I decided to give it a try.

"It means so much to me that your father is the only man I have ever had sex with, and I just want you both to wait until you fall in love with someone you want to spend your life with."

"I'm sorry mom, but there is no way I am only having sex with one man. I'm not that pathetic," Lizzy announced.

Edward's face turned white with anger. He knew we had to have this conversation, but hearing his little girl planned to be with several men pushed him over the edge. He pulled some condoms out of his pocket and slammed them on the table. "Well, at least be responsible," he yelled.

Jonathon looked at Lizzy and they both rolled their eyes and laughed hysterically at us.

Lizzy pushed the condoms back towards Edward. "Dad, if you need any protection come to us. Jonathon probably has more than both of you combined."

I stared dumbfounded at my son.

"Say something son," I demanded, hoping he wasn't running a brothel that I didn't know about.

He cleared his throat and then laughed uncomfortably. "Well you see, ah man, well; I kind of did sleep with one of my piano teachers."

My baby, my sweet sensitive baby boy, was treated like a side of meat by some horny housewife, how was I ever going to fix his tormented soul. My hatred for Carlisle grew exponentially for letting my son grow up so fast.

I looked at Edward with tears in my eyes only to see him trying to cover a smirk. "You smile Edward Cullen and I will castrate you where you sit."

"I knew I should have taken music lessons," Lizzy groaned in regret.

"I knew I should have stayed on the pill," I cried.


	14. Chapter 14

Name: LEARN

Author: Sdfreeze

Chapter 14

**Stephenie Meyer owns the characters.**

* * *

Chapter: 14

**Learn to Reach**

I had a horrible night's sleep. I kept envisioning some awful cougar, with lipstick on her teeth, and a deep smoker voice calling to my baby. I knew Jonathon didn't have a strong parental figure growing up, but this was more than I could take.

I woke up the next morning tired and grumpy. I was shuffling toward the kitchen and caught a glimpse of myself in the reflection of a window. I looked old; my kids were aging me very quickly.

I flattened my bed hair and threw out my chest to lift my breasts and vowed to buy some sexy nighties. I was sure the day could not get any worse when the doorbell rang. Nothing good comes so early in the morning. Maybe if I ignored the bell it would just go away.

I grimaced when it rang again, and really hoped it wasn't the naval fleet looking for my all too willing daughter. I opened the door to see a young girl who looked an awful lot like Alice, and standing right behind her Satan himself, Carlisle.

I froze; I tried to remember how many steps to Charlie's house for his gun. I wondered if I could convince Emily to remain quite about the disappearance of her grandpa. I stopped wondering when Edward walked up behind me and invited them inside.

Carlisle handed me a folder when he walked past me and I opened it to see Edward's annulment papers. Now it made sense; he wanted his company back.

I walked like a zombie to the living room to see Edward offering his father some coffee; surely he planned to poison it. Emily smiled at me and walked forward to introduce herself. I smiled back, I think, or maybe I sneered, but I meant to smile.

"Can I surprise Jonathon?" she asked with her musical voice.

"Sure, up the stairs, last door on the right," I mumbled.

She ran and I turned back to face Carlisle. He looked nervous and he smiled awkwardly. Edward motioned for me to come over and I let my mouth fall open. He was fraternizing with the enemy, drinking coffee like, like, like father and son.

"Bella," Edward said with force. "Please come here."

I did the zombie walk to where he sat, forgetting to stick out my chest or check the bed hair. He took my hand and pulled me to sit next to him.

"Did you know he was coming?" I asked Edward.

"No, I extended an invitation, but I didn't know he accepted it." We spoke as if he wasn't sitting right in the room with us.

"Bella," Carlisle said, sending a wave of nausea through me. "I'm here as a grandfather and that is all."

"Uh huh," I said with more than a little doubt.

"Bella, I need my father in my life, we talked about this."

"Yea, but I thought that meant you would go there," I argued.

"You really want me going there?" he asked as he flicked the folder in my hands.

"No, but I thought Joyce meant some imaginary, unattainable, symbolic place." I widened my eyes to convey I wanted Carlisle out of my house, but Edward only kissed my nose.

Jonathon came barreling down the stairs running for Carlisle and I wanted to body slam him to the ground before he could reach the man, but I saw his face, it was so full of joy I remained in my seat. Carlisle hugged him tightly lifting his tall body off the ground and spinning him around.

A loud scream could be heard upstairs. "Grandpa," Lizzy yelled, running down the steps. I was so torn and wasn't sure what to do. My children obviously loved Carlisle and I wanted to make them happy, but my need for revenge was still my primary emotion.

Edward put his arms around me and whispered in my ear, "Give it a chance, Bella."

Lizzy jumped into Carlisle's arms and quickly got to work, "Mom and Dad make me work and won't pay for a car." She even had the bottom lip sticking out for effect.

"It builds character," Carlisle responded, causing her to whisper in his ear.

"Elizabeth," Edward warned harshly.

"I'm just telling grandpa how much I love him," she defended.

Oh, she was going to make some man suffer greatly someday.

"Don't get me in trouble, Lizzy, I won't be allowed back," Carlisle teased, or made a dig at me. I wasn't quite sure which one.

I rose and headed to the kitchen to make breakfast, exactly what goes with strychnine? I set the table and listened to Jonathon and Emily catch up. He was asking about different people and she was sharing all the gossip. I really hope Jonathon adapts to school here. He seemed busy and well liked at his boarding school.

Emily finally reached inside her bag and handed him a picture. She whispered, but I still heard what she said, "I'm supposed to give you this picture, she said to get better so you can play the piano again."

I marched into the dining room where they sat and grabbed the picture from his hand. It was a very seductive photo of a girl straddling a piano bench, a beautiful girl, not much older than Jonathon.

"Who is this?" I demanded.

"Mom, stop," he said as he tried to grab the picture back.

"Emily, who is this?" I gave her my best 'tell me right now young lady' stare.

She looked terrified and her eyes darted back and forth between me and Jonathon. Her cousin stepped in to save her and his chivalry made me proud. "Mom, it's my piano teacher, I told you about her already."

I looked back at the photo in shock. "She's in her thirties?" My self esteem just headed at mach 5 toward the ground.

Emily laughed and Jonathon glared at me. "No, this is my piano teacher at school; she is a student too, her mother teaches at Julliard."

"This is who I spoke to on the phone?

"No, the woman you spoke to is my piano teacher at home."

"So which one did you have sex with?" I asked in confusion.

Emily's head spun to face Jonathon and she screamed as she ran from the room. Jonathon looked horrified at me and then dropped his head into his good hand. I had spent the entire night dreaming of making some woman's life a living hell and I didn't even have the right woman, or girl, or student, I didn't even know who took my sons virginity.

"Thanks mom, Emily has the biggest mouth around. Now everyone at school will know about me and Simone." He walked from the room in disgust.

I headed to the living room to tell Edward I didn't have to fly to Chicago to beat the living snot out of some woman, and found him with his head against Carlisle's, as his father had his arms around him. I backed out quietly and stood in the middle of my own house without a clue as to what was going on around me.

I needed a window to sit behind and watch my family pass by. This side of the glass made no sense and it was painful and it changed too quickly. Edward's love had reached into my safe corner of the world and turned my life crazy. Maybe it was time I reached out too.

I knew what Joyce wanted now. We had to live with all the people in our lives and I had to offer an olive branch. I walked back into the living room and stood in front of Carlisle's wet eyes and said two words I never thought I would ever say to the man, "I'm sorry."

He held perfectly still and waited for the remainder of the sentence.

"That's it, I'm sorry."

"For what, Bella?" He asked with suspicion.

"Everything, anything, nothing, all things said, did, or implied, I'm sorry."

He slowly stood and reached out to give me a courtesy hug, so I pulled him tightly to my chest and hugged him for the little boy I knew who needed him so badly.

Carlisle was stunned to say the least. He looked at Edward and began blinking quickly to keep his tears from falling. "I'm not sure I deserve that, Bella."

"You are a wonderful grandfather and my children love you." I turned to look at Edward and then back at Carlisle. "Your son loves you too, please don't forget that."

And then we all sat down to breakfast. Edward and Carlisle sat as father and son, reaching across the years for each other. Emily and Jonathon sat as confidants and cousins reaching for the relationship they used to have. Lizzy and I sat as mother and daughter reaching for some type of understanding between the two very different women we were.

The following evening the kids were out on dates and Carlisle and Edward began to talk business. It was then I found out what Edward had negotiated with his father in Chicago.

Edward knew releasing a new product would drive up the stock price making it impossible for Carlisle to purchase back the company. He offered his father a deal, release a partial product, enough for the Masens to make money on their investment, but keep the entire increase from coming until the second release.

Edward was generous to a man I felt deserved nothing more than being destroyed. Luckily, my husband was a better person than me.

I was getting ready for bed when I heard the kids come in. They were laughing and posturing for one another. I came down to meet the pretty girl Jonathon met at rehab during treatments for his hand. She was a volunteer hoping to study nursing in college and attended Forks High. It was the first person his age he made any connection with and it thrilled me to see him acting like any sixteen year old boy.

I spoke to the young man that the kids had set Emily up with and made sure to catch every detail to share with Alice. I said hello to Lizzy's boyfriend Andrew, and then walked past them to remove his hand from her butt. She rolled her eyes and ran upstairs.

I told them all good night and headed back upstairs when I heard the girl Jonathon took out ask him to play something. I ached for his pain and wanted to rush down the stairs and save him from embarrassment, but in the next moment I heard music, beautiful, heartfelt, perfectly played music.

I snuck down the steps and listened to the melody reaching my ears. Life was so full of misunderstandings, unrequited love, and missed opportunities. It is amazing our hearts last as long as they do.

I wasn't going to worry about anything in the past, there was too much to reach for right now. I had my husband and my beautiful children and I was very lucky. I headed up the stairs to cuddle up next to the man I love and revel in the happiness I felt.

I would find some way to make things work with the Cullens and decided right then to call Rosalie tomorrow and apologize. She must have been miserable trying to have a child and I never once reached out to her. I announced my pregnancy, twins no less, right in front of her without a thought to how she must have felt.

I was a new person, and it felt good and right, until my daughter came rushing from her room colliding with my body and dropping the condoms she was hiding in her shirt. I reached out and grabbed them off the floor. I looked into her surprised face and then watched as her eyes narrowed and her chin set.

"Oh, you are so grounded," I said, causing her to spin around and stomp to her room.

"Edward!" I screamed. "We're buying a cat."


	15. Chapter 15

Name: LEARN

Author: Sdfreeze

Chapter 15

**Stephenie Meyer owns the characters.**

* * *

Chapter: 15

**Learn to Feel**

I sat at my desk staring out the window at the students gathered in front of the school. My life had come full circle, and I was back to observing, only this time it was another generation I was just a spectator for. They were young, and hopeful, and so innocent that my heart ached for them.

A car pulled up, a sophomore boy climbed out and headed towards the door with a clinched jaw. His mother jumped from the car and ran after him, digging frantically in her purse for money. He took the twenty from her hand and turned without a word to continue walking.

The mother stared in silent anguish as she watched her baby pull away from her towards manhood. I wanted to run out and beg him to turn around, and thank his mother for the fertilizer she placed so faithfully on that supposed money tree. I wanted to tell his mother to not give up on him, as he became more, and more silent, and that someday he was going to be a wonderful man she could be proud of.

Learning life's lessons was hard and demanded cracks and calluses on our feelings. Edward and I had more spackle on our souls than we ever thought they could hold, but we were here, and still madly in love… If love meant quiet nights and long back rubs preferred to wild sex.

We married this time at the courthouse in Port Angeles with Jonathon and Lizzy as witnesses. I traded my coke stained hoodie for a dark blue chiffon dress my daughter designed herself. Edward insisted the line, 'til death do us part' or 'as long as we both shall live,' be removed from the vows. Instead we said, 'forever.' It was absolutely perfect.

We found it much easier to make sense of the world when it was tiny and contained, so we didn't move to Chicago after our kids left to attend Northwestern. We stayed in tiny Forks and let Edward build a medical equipment trade company from a home office, as I taught English Literature at Forks High.

Jonathon dropped out of college after his freshman year to become a musician. He writes musical scores for movies and is making a name for himself at only twenty-three. He actually wears ragged jeans and various artists' shirts.

Lizzy, majored in design and has gone into business with Alice making upscale clothing. She has been in a relationship with the same man for the past four years, much to my relief. The wild rebellious girl was gone, and the serious woman in love, took her place.

Her graduation was a real eye opener. I could tell Edward was really nervous about something and finally spilled after we landed in Chicago.

"Carlisle would like me to attend a counseling session with him," he stated hesitantly.

"I think that is a wonderful idea," I smiled.

"Um…he wants you there, too."

"Why?" I felt my heart speed up, and worried for the tentative peace we had built over the years.

"It's part of his therapy, not ours. You can refuse to answer anything you deem inappropriate," Edward assured me.

"Right, when has Joyce ever let us refuse to answer," I pointed out.

"Can we give it a try, for me?"

Of course I couldn't deny my husband anything, so we went.

The therapist was a young man, totally opposite of Joyce in every way. He was all business and I could tell Carlisle intimidated him, just a bit. The room was set up with chairs in a semi circle in front of the two chairs Edward and I were instructed to sit in. I wasn't sure what was going on and began to mentally prepare for a showdown.

"Welcome, Edward and Bella," Dr. Linton started. "I know the strained history of your relationship with the family…."

"Strained?" I interrupted. "Carlisle was an ass."

"Was?"

"He's tolerable now," I smiled.

Carlisle chuckled and I had to admit the guy responded to honesty.

"Carlisle, can you tell Bella something you admire about her?" The doctor instructed.

I shook my head and prepared myself for an evasive answer. Carlisle stared at the floor and for a second I thought he honestly couldn't come up with anything. He finally lifted his head and his eyes watered.

"You remind me so much of Elizabeth."

Well, fork me! I never expected that response and it sent me right into tears.

"Then why didn't you want me for Edward?" I choked out.

"Because love like that hurts too much, I never wanted him to feel what I had felt. Don't get me wrong, I love Esme, but it isn't all consuming like I had with Elizabeth."

"Bella, can you tell him something you admire?"

"You are a wonderful grandfather," I said bluntly. "And you learned your lesson about messing with me."

"You forgave too easily I'm afraid," Carlisle's tears began to fall from his eyes. "I wish I was a better father," he admitted.

"Dad," Edward began, "let's stop being stuck in the past. Can't we just let it go and move on?"

Carlisle nodded and smiled gently, "Regret is a hard pill to swallow."

"Then let's stop regretting things. Whatever has happened in the past brought us to this spot, surely it wasn't that bad," Edward stated.

There was a soft knock on the door and Rosalie and Emmett walked in. Em smiled at everyone, but Rose looked terrified. I now understood what was going on and looked forward to getting all the pent up emotion out in the open.

"Edward, Bella," Carlisle said, "I want you both to feel free to speak your mind and say whatever you want to say to any of us. Hopefully, having Dr. Linton here will make you feel this is a safe environment."

"I would like to tell Rosalie how sorry I am for how I treated her," I spoke up.

"We are here to apologize to you, Bella," Carlisle pointed out.

"And you apologized to me long ago," Rosalie added.

"I know, but not in front of everyone. I admire you Rosalie and I misjudged you so many times."

Her eyes dropped and she mumbled, "No, you didn't. Being a mother has shown me how brutal I was, I owe you the apology. I was also the one who suggested to Carlisle to make Edward marry Lauren, the merger would have happened anyway. I thought she could help him, but I learned how wrong I was. I wasn't trying to hurt you, Bella. I was seriously thinking of Edward."

I could see the sincere change in her whole demeanor and I had to acknowledge I had always been jealous of her beauty and strength.

"I was so jealous of you," I admitted. "And then finding out your history with Edward…."

"You bastard," she sneered at Edward as she crossed her arms over her chest angrily.

Edward quickly scooted to the edge of the chair to tease her. "You owe _me _an apology, Rosalie, you freaked me out and you know it," he laughed. "You don't do that to a guy the first time."

"He's just a pussy, babe," Emmett offered to appease his furious wife.

"I'm missing something here," Carlisle said confused.

"No you're not," we all said in chorus.

"Fine," Rosalie said as she kept her arms crossed, "I'm sorry, Edward."

"Thank you," he answered and scooted back in his chair.

"I'm sorry you were such a pussy," she added.

"See," Edward yelled to the therapist, as he pointed at Rosalie.

"I'm afraid I am as lost as Carlisle," the young man admitted, causing us all to chuckle uncomfortably.

Luckily, there came another knock and spared us from spilling the details.

I inhaled sharply when I saw Jake and Tanya walk in. I had not seen them for years and really didn't care to ever see them again. Jake looked right at me and smiled, but I only scoffed at him. I was shocked to see how poorly plastic holds up over the years.

Edward looked at the therapist in shock. "How is this supposed to help? There is nothing we need to resolve here."

"Yes, there is son," Carlisle admitted. "I paid Jake to try and steal Bella away from you."

"This is all old news, none of this matters anymore," I said defiantly.

"I just want to explain the vote, Bella. I never wanted to keep you in a wheelchair and made sure the vote would pass. I voted no after the majority voted to assure you would get the grant. I wanted to keep the path clear for you and Edward, if you didn't fall for Jake's tactics, and voting no would look like I had tried to stop Edward from profiting from company funds."

"Why didn't you tell me years ago?" I asked.

"I could have, to make myself appear less heinous, but I wasn't the nice guy. I did everything I could to keep you away from Edward, to spare him pain, not out of hate for you."

"Thank you for telling me."

I turned to Tanya. "I didn't steal Edward from you; he was never yours to begin with."

"I know, and I truly love Jake, I just couldn't admit Edward finally fell in love. Can you forgive us?"

"It's all so over, I forgave you long ago," I said to her.

"I have one more thing to admit," Carlisle said with pained eyes.

"Okay," Edward and I said in unison.

Carlisle looked so tormented and I began to really fear what he was going to say, when another knock came to the door.

"Come in Alice and Jasper," I yelled out.

We all laughed, except Carlisle, and my smile faded. I wasn't prepared for the person who walked in and only knew who she was by Edward's gasp.

"Britney?" I asked in complete shock.

Edward nodded and let his head drop. I looked at her, the only other woman on the planet that Edward thought he loved. She was still pretty and looked completely professional, like she just walked into a board meeting.

I looked at Carlisle as tears fell from my eyes. I didn't understand why he would do this to us. We had worked so hard over the years to wipe that pain from our lives and he was bringing it right back, flaunting it, to hurt us.

"I'm so sorry," he whispered.

"Why?" Edward managed to ask in complete disgust.

"I thought I was helping you," Carlisle said in shame.

Only then did I understand what Carlisle had done. Britney didn't just show up in Germany, she was sent there. Sent to do what Lauren wasn't able to accomplish.

I turned to Britney and glared at her. "You didn't love him?" I asked in anger. I was so torn. I wanted her to profess her undying love for Edward, and at the same time, I wanted her to say she couldn't stand to be near him.

"I grew to love him very much, but at first it was only a deal I had with Carlisle."

I hurt so badly for Edward, I wanted to get him out of the room and away from the pain he was being put through. He didn't deserve to feel this, especially just so Carlisle's could be rid of his guilt.

"Edward," she continued. "I would have been very good to you. I would have loved you with everything I had, but you only loved me a little. You're not hurt over my betrayal; you are just hurt your father tried to manipulate you."

"Bella," she said to me, "I tried everything I could to think of the get Edward to want me. I had to settle for being his distraction. I took him to my flat, had him in my bed, and he still only thought of you."

"I never loved you at all, Britney," Edward confessed. "I needed support. I needed my father, but he let me down, yet again."

I wanted to jump on my chair and scream for joy. _He never loved you, so take that you British bitch._ But I settled for taking Edward's hand in mine possessively.

"It was the vilest thing I have ever done son, I am so sorry. Esme helped take some of the pain away for me and I wanted someone to be able to do that for you."

"Why didn't you mess with Emmett's life?" Edward asked quietly.

"Hell, that one's easy," Emmett answered. "He never loved me as much as he loved you. You were part of Elizabeth, even I can understand that. I had a great stepdad to fill the void Carlisle left me with, but you only had him. I'm sorry, bro."

Carlisle remembered with tears in his eyes, "When your mother died you spent that entire night crying. I tried to comfort you, but you pushed me away and called out for her."

"Of course I did, I was a child," Edward said in anger.

"I wasn't, and I felt the exact same way. I vowed that night I would toughen you up, so you could get over losing her. I hoped it would somehow toughen me, too."

"You, of all people, should have understood how much I love Bella. It should have made you compassionate, especially to a little boy who needed his father after losing his mother." Edward said directly to Carlisle.

"I need you, Edward. I need you now, just like I did then, I just didn't realize it."

"I have always been there for you," Edward yelled.

"I know," Carlisle said softly. He looked so weak and so humbled. "You have always been so much better than me… a better man, a better husband, and a better father. I just need to know you will remain after knowing everything I did to you."

We all sat in silence until Edward stood and walked towards Carlisle, his fists were clinched and I was terrified he was going to hit his father. Instead he pulled him into a hug and let Carlisle weep on his shoulder.

Rosalie stood and walked towards me, I would let her punch me if she wanted, I owed her one. She leaned over and hugged me awkwardly, so I stood to pull her tightly into my arms.

"He was actually pretty damn good, for a virgin," she whispered into my ear.

"Let's not tell him, he's had enough to deal with today," I laughed.

I hugged Jake and smiled courteously at Patty, afraid her fake tan would rub off onto me if I hugged her. Now I had to face Britney.

"This is awkward," I admitted to her.

"I have to confess, I wished it would have ended differently," she smiled, but her eyes looking me up and down were anything but surrendering.

Her perfect British voice made me want to beat her with a cricket bat. She was actually looking into my eyes and saying she wanted my husband. He was mine, my savior who gave me legs and kept my dead heart beating, my lover who taught me everything I needed to know about pleasure, and my husband who lovingly gave me two children for us to cherish.

I heard a loud hiss in my head, those damn cats that followed me throughout this whole ordeal, reminding me I had something better because Edward Cullen looked up that day. They wanted me to join them in the fight they had waged all these years.

"I have to confess, I kind of want to scratch your eyes out for what you did to Edward," I smiled back. "And you are lucky I learned forgiveness from my wonderful husband, or I would shove a crumpet up your ass."

I watched her condescending smile fade into a panicked grimace. I giggled and relaxed when I heard loud, contented purring in my head.

I felt a soft tap on my shoulder and turned to see Carlisle's outstretched arms. I stumbled forward into a sincere, loving, embrace. Edward wrapped his arms around us both and kissed our heads. I was fully aware how he had totally ignored Britney… it felt great.

All the drama seemed so long ago. Our lives were boring and safe now, and my heart was stress free. I smiled at my students as they entered the classroom and pitied the long road they had in front of them.

"Mrs. Cullen, why do parents think we are so dumb?" A girl asked me as she slammed her books onto her desk.

"We just want to spare our children pain, we don't think you are dumb," I assured her.

"We are old enough to know what we feel," she continued. "We are not imbeciles."

"Of course you know what you feel, it is how to handle those feelings that needs to be learned, and unfortunately it can be a painful process."

"What was the hardest thing you learned," she asked, genuinely curious.

I smiled as I drifted through my lifetime of memories. "Learning to feel, because that is what life is, a combination of feelings that you have to learn from."

"Did you?" she said softly.

"Oh yes, and I learned life feels wonderful."


End file.
